Should you trust your gut?

The short answer is YES, you should always trust your gut. Your intuition knows what is right for you, and you should listen to any voice you hear in the back of your mind.

Is it your gut or cold feet?

I’ve heard countless stories of people who had second thoughts about marrying their partners on their wedding day, and they went through with it but later got divorced.

If people tell you to push your doubts away because it’s just cold feet, you should ignore everyone and only listen to yourself. You may realize that your gut is speaking to you.

It’s so difficult to end a marriage at any stage, and calling it off just before the wedding may seem ridiculous. After spending months planning the perfect wedding and pouring out tons of money to get every detail right, why would you call it off?

Unfortunately, many couples stay together for much longer than they should because they’d feel guilty ending it. They feel obligated to spend their lives with this person because they made a vow that they would.

Or, if they’re not married, they feel like it’s not worth the effort to cut off ties and separate their belongings and say goodbye to everyone and everything that’s connected to their partners.

Ending a toxic relationship is a huge step, but it’s the only option if you want to have a happy, fulfilling life.

Even if you have doubts, it’s common to convince yourself that everything is fine. You suppress your feelings because you don’t want to face reality. You continue with the relationship because it’s comfortable and easy.

If you have an inkling that it’s wrong, get the courage to end it.

You must listen to yourself. If you push your gut feeling aside, you’ll face much bigger consequences later on. Maybe not tomorrow or even a year from now, but you’ll eventually have to deal with the fact that your relationship isn’t right for you.

Staying in a relationship for the wrong reasons is extremely common. You may stay because:

1. You’re already committed to each other/married.

2. You have a child together.

3. You save money by living together.

4. You’ve been partners for a long time, and it’s convenient.

5. You gave up a job or house to be with this person.

If reading any of these makes you queasy, it’s time to reassess your relationship. Is it healthy for you to continue? If it helps, try meditating or taking a walk to clear your head. Ask yourself questions, and the answers will come to you.

Are you unsure of what your gut is telling you?

If you’re unsure, there are other ways to know. There’s a difference between feeling butterflies in your stomach and feeling like you’re going to throw up.

Nausea is obviously a bad sign, whereas butterflies are good.

You should also learn to trust your nose. What you smell is a very powerful indicator of how compatible you are with someone. It sends signals to the brain if the relationship is going sour, so if you don’t feel anything in your gut but start to get turned off by your partner’s smell, that’s a sign that it’s not right.

Your eyes will also “show you the light.” It’s important to be at least a little bit physically attracted to your partner in the beginning. That attraction can grow immensely, but if the person starts appearing unattractive to you over time, it’s another sign that the relationship isn’t meant to be.

Pay attention to your gut, nose, and eyes, and the truth will be evident to you. You have intuition for a reason, and it will lead you on the right path, no matter how many roadblocks you face along the way.

Passion vs. comfort: which is more important in a relationship?

If you ask a new couple this question, they’ll most likely say passion. If you ask the same question to people that have been married for many years, they’ll probably say comfort.

Passion ignites the fire, while comfort keeps the flame burning forever. Is it possible to have both at the same time? Maybe, but that type of connection is very rare.

If you refuse to settle until you find a relationship that has an abundance of both passion and comfort, I say good luck to you. You may be waiting for something that doesn’t exist.

What is passion?

When you first meet someone you really like, you feel tons of excitement and nervous energy. These feelings combine to form passion.

The definition of passion is “strong and barely controllable emotion.” You may feel intense love and desire for your partner during the first few months.

Everything in the relationship is new and unfamiliar, so you get to explore all aspects of this person. You learn about personality traits, hobbies, quirks, life goals, and likes and dislikes.

This beginning phase of a relationship is very exhilarating, and you probably feel an intense amount of passion.

What happens when the passion burns out?

Once you’ve learned everything about your partner, there’s no more excitement and nervous energy combining to form passion.

You can still surprise each other with gifts and spontaneous getaways, and you can try these ideas to spice up your sex life.

However, these are only temporary thrills that mask reality. The reality is that you know each other so well at this point, and there’s no more passion left in the relationship.

What is comfort?

A lack of passion isn’t a bad thing, though! It means that you’ve reached a new stage of your relationship.

The definition of comfort is “a state of being relaxed; satisfaction provided by a person.”

You know all there is to know about your partner, and you feel completely relaxed enough to be your true self. You’ve reached the stage of comfort.

Passion vs. comfort: which is more important?

Are you worried that you’ll get bored in your relationship if there’s only comfort but no passion?

I know that’s a big fear people have, and some even get divorced because they don’t feel that passion anymore.

Well guess what? In 99% of cases, the passion eventually fades away, but it leaves a much stronger feeling in its place: comfort.

This article agrees with my opinion. Passion is great in the beginning of a relationship (the first 1-2 years), but comfort will keep you bonded for life.

Getting to the comfort stage takes time. If you’ve been married long enough, you’ll realize that passion comes and goes, but comfort lasts forever.

Are you posting bad profile pictures on your dating apps?

As someone who has used multiple dating apps and websites, I’ve seen all sorts of ridiculous pictures. Some pictures make me gag, some make me laugh, and some make me stare open-mouthed. The one thing they all have in common is that I NEVER contact these people. It just makes me wonder “What were you thinking? Did someone put this picture on your profile as a cruel joke?”

I’ve only looked at the profiles of men, so my list of bad dating profile pictures will be limited to what I’ve seen from that gender. However, this list applies to women as well.

 

Bad Dating Profile Pictures:

1. Shirtless/practically naked: I get that you’re proud of your body, but put a frickin’ shirt on!

2. Working out: Again, I can tell you want to show off your muscles, but I don’t need to see you doing bicep curls.

3. Holding a fish: I thought this was just a regional thing, but apparently guys all over the world love to show off that they caught a fish. That just doesn’t appeal to me.

4. Holding a baby: Is it your baby? A friend’s? Did you steal it? It’s unclear, and it doesn’t make me believe you love babies.

5. Groups: Which one are you? I don’t want to strain my eyes to figure out which person is the common denominator in five group shots.

6. Blurry: Are you afraid to show yourself? Then I guess I’m afraid to meet you.

7. Animals: Maybe you have a cute dog, but I want to see what you look like, not your pet.

8. Not current: It looks like you wore that outfit in the ’90s. Do you have any current pics to show me? Possibly something from the past year (not decade).

9. Creepy: You look like an ax murderer. Why is there blood on your clothes?

10. Unsmiling: One serious picture is acceptable, I suppose, but I’d rather see you smiling and having fun. Stay away from mugshots, please.

11. No full body: If you have six pictures, but they’re all up close and only show your face, it makes me wonder what’s going on down there.

12. No face: I’ve also seen the opposite, where you only show your body and no face pictures. What are you hiding?

13. Nature: I can find a nature photo on the internet. Why is this picture on your profile if you’re not even in it?

14. Hat and sunglasses: If you have a hat on in every picture, I assume you’re bald. The sunglasses don’t make you any cooler. Don’t be afraid to show off your beautiful, bald head.

15. Multiples: If you take ten pictures of yourself wearing the same outfit from different angles, they’re basically the same picture. Get some variety.

16. Far away: Your photos have a lovely background, but it looks like you’re hundreds of miles away. Sorry, I don’t have X-ray vision.

17. Filters: Are you ten years old? Feel free to send your friend a picture of you looking like a cat, but it’s not appropriate for a dating profile.

18. With a date: You have your arm around a stunning woman, and I don’t think she’s your sister. Is she currently your girlfriend? Should I be jealous?

 

 

There are many other awful types of profile pictures I’ve seen, but these are the first that come to mind. If you have doubts about your pictures, ask a few people for advice. Having a variety of photos that show off who you are is the best plan. And I won’t tell you to swipe left every time you see one of the above types of pictures because there will be no one left to match with!

If you’re unsure if you even want to try online dating, read this article to learn more. And here is a concise list of pictures your dating profile should include, in case you’re confused.

If you’re dating during the pandemic and don’t want to meet in person just yet, what are some virtual date ideas you can try to get to know each other?

Perhaps you live far apart or don’t want to be exposed to other people at this time. Or maybe you have met and already like each other, but you want to mix it up by having some virtual dates during the week and only get together on weekends.

Nobody knows when the pandemic will end, but your dating life can still continue.

 

Here’s a list of six virtual date ideas:

 

1. Have video dates.

I always recommend having a video date before meeting in person, and now it’s especially important. You don’t want to waste your time meeting someone you’re not compatible with, so jump onto a Zoom, Skype, or FaceTime chat to get to know each other that way. It’s almost like sitting across from each other at a coffee shop, but you don’t have to put on pants!

 

2. Cook together.

You can decide on a meal you both enjoy and buy the same ingredients. Set up your computer or phone so you can watch each other and chat while you’re making the same delicious meal. When the food is ready, you can sit down with a glass of wine and eat together while having a flirty discussion.

 

3. Play games.

Friendly competition can boost testosterone levels, so turn on your computer or phone and find a virtual version of your favorite game. Houseparty is a fun app that has a variety of games on it for two players, and CardzMania has a big selection of card games. You can set up whiteboards and play Pictionary while on Zoom or create your own questions for Scattergories. There’s also virtual chess and communal puzzles. If you love Scrabble, you can get the Words With Friends app on your phone and play your move when you have time.

 

4. Watch movies.

Find a movie you both want to watch and press play at the same time. Although you won’t be able to cuddle together, you can pause the movie whenever you want to get more snacks and discuss interesting plot points. You don’t have to worry about getting dirty looks from others at a movie theater. You can sprawl out on your couch and make all the noise you want. When it’s over, you can have a video date and discuss your thoughts about the movie.

 

5. Ask questions.

There are tons of websites with lists of questions to ask a date. These first date questions are backed by science! And the New York Times posted this article in 2015 which specifies 36 questions that lead to love. If you want more flirtatious questions, the internet provides options for that, too. Or you can get your creative juices flowing and come up with your own unique questions to ask your date.

 

6. Work out together.

Look on YouTube and find an exercise routine you’ll both enjoy. Or create your own list of bodyweight exercises and do them together while listening to upbeat music. You can plan a date that lasts for hours, starting with a workout, and then cooking together, and finally eating while watching a romantic movie.

Should you have kids? Maybe you wrestled with this question for years, or perhaps you’ve been sure since a young age.

Having kids or not is a very personal decision that you need to make on your own.

You may have always longed for a baby. You assumed you’d get married and have kids at a reasonable age, and everything would go smoothly.

Perhaps you are married or in a committed relationship now, but you’re starting to have doubts about kids. Or your partner isn’t sure anymore.

Maybe you’ve been trying unsuccessfully for months or years, and you’re thinking of giving up.

Or you’re single and don’t know if you want to raise a child on your own.

Maybe you already have a child or step-child, and you’re not sure if you want to have more.

There are numerous reasons you’re asking yourself this question, so how do you decide?

 

If you’ve been on the fence about whether you should have kids or not, try this visualization exercise:

 

Sit in a quiet place and close your eyes. Picture your life five years from now. Imagine all the details of your perfect life.

Where do you live? Who do you live with? What do you do every day?

Let your mind wander freely, and only open your eyes once you’re satisfied with your future.

Now answer this: Is there a baby in your future?

 

There is no right or wrong answer. And there’s no “perfect” time to have a child. If your doctor confirms that your body is healthy, it’s impossible to know if you’ll get pregnant immediately or if you’ll have trouble conceiving.

Instead of worrying about the timing, it’s important for you to consider all the aspects of raising a child. The scary thing about having a baby is that you never know what you’re going to get. You’ll hopefully have a healthy, beautiful baby that’s very easy to take care of.

You need to consider all possibilities, though, and discuss how you’ll handle any problems that may arise.

If you’re single and considering having a baby, make sure you have support from friends and family. Taking care of a child is the biggest responsibility you’ll ever have. It’s completely up to you how to raise this person. This child will bring so much love into your life, but having a child could also cause you a lifetime of grief.

 

Baby fever is real!

 

If you have “baby fever” and want to get pregnant as soon as possible, make sure you’re clear with your partner about your desire.

There’s no harm in saying you want kids in the beginning phase of dating. If it scares the person away, you’re not a good match. It’s better that you find out sooner rather than later.

If you strongly believe that kids are not in your future, then that’s also important to bring up early on in dating.

I know some people who hoped their partners would change their minds, but that didn’t happen. Instead, they stayed together a few years and had a nasty breakup when they discovered they still weren’t on the same page about having kids.

Being unsure about having kids is a tough spot to be in. Are you hoping your partner will decide for you? This indecisiveness can happen to both men and women.

If it doesn’t feel like it’s right for you, then don’t have kids right now. You can change your mind. And if pregnancy isn’t in your future, you can adopt or get a foster child.

If you accidentally get pregnant, there are also options for you. There is a lot to consider when it comes to having children, so use your best judgment and hope for the best!

Many articles are written about this topic, so feel free to do your own research if you’re undecided about your future. The Atlantic has a well-written article, and here’s a list of 100 reasons not to have kids (written by a woman who has one). Finally, here are nine reasons to have them.

The decision to have kids or not is completely up to you. Don’t give in to pressure from family or friends. You are the one who will be raising the child or choosing to live a child-free life.

Below you’ll find 10 flirting tips to follow.

Do you know the proper way to flirt? If you pass a gorgeous person on the street, should you initiate contact or keep walking? What about if you’re at a party, and you happen to sit down next to the most beautiful person you’ve ever seen?

The first key to successful flirting is not an ability to show off and impress, but the knack of conveying that you like that person. If your “target” knows that you find him/her attractive and interesting, he/she will be more inclined to like you.

Conveying that you like someone, and judging whether or not the attraction is mutual, involves a combination of verbal and non-verbal communication skills.

When you first meet new people, their initial impression of you will be based:

55% on your appearance and body language

38% on your style of speaking

7% on what you actually say

 

Let those numbers sink in.

How you look and speak is much more important than what you say. You could be telling the most boring story in the world, but as long as you look good and sound animated and positive, people will be drawn to you.

Here are 10 flirting tips to follow:

1. Do initiate flirtation with people of roughly the same level of attractiveness as yourself.

2. Don’t flirt with people who are unlikely to return your interest.

3. Use non-verbal flirting techniques:

Eye Contact: hold your target’s gaze for a few seconds.

Interpersonal Distance: find the sweet spot between being uncomfortably close or way too far away from your target (unless there’s a pandemic and you need to socially distance).

Posture: echo your target’s posture.

Facial Expressions: smile and look genuinely happy to talk.

Touch: reach out and put your hand gently on your target’s arm for a few seconds if it feels appropriate.

Vocal Signals: aim for moderation in volume and tone, with some variation in pitch and pace.

4. Opening lines: Ask a direct, open-ended question.

5. Turn-Taking: Make sure both parties contribute equally to the conversation.

6. Talking: Stay positive, and don’t reveal too much about yourself too soon.

7. Listening: Give verbal and non-verbal signals to show that you’re paying attention and interested.

8. Reciprocal Disclosure: Maintain a balance between your disclosures and those of your target.

9. Humor: Make jokes to reduce anxiety and establish a relaxed mood.

10. Parting: If you’d like to see this person again, you have to ask!

Flirting can be simple if done correctly. If you have confidence in yourself and know you have a lot to offer, the other person will hopefully notice and flirt right back. This Elite Singles article adds that you should give at least one clear compliment in the conversation. Everyone loves a compliment!

If you follow my 10 flirting tips, you will be a flirting expert and attract all the right people.