Dating advice isn’t always black and white. There’s a gray area when it comes to dating. When people are seeking advice about their love lives, those who dole it out may often speak in absolutes. They say that you must listen to them or remain single forever. They basically mean, “It’s my way or the highway.”

Unfortunately, it’s a trap to give and receive advice that’s completely black and white. Even though the “expert” thinks his way is the only way to date, there is always a gray area in love and dating.

Why Dating Advice Isn’t Always Black and White:

1. There are exceptions to every rule.

A friend of mine told me that she always goes on three dates with a guy before deciding if she wants to continue or end it. She tells everyone to do the same, no matter what. Generally, I agree that it’s a great plan to give him a second and even third chance to redeem himself if he didn’t show his best self on the first date.

However, there are many exceptions to this rule. If your date’s behavior was unacceptable or you felt unsafe in his presence, you aren’t obligated to give it another try. Attraction can grow over time, but if you feel physically sick from your date’s appearance, there’s no need to waste another second with him.

2. People do not fit into neat little boxes.

Most books that give dating advice make gross generalizations about men and women. They say that “all men are like this…” and “all women do that…” People are placed into categories, and the advice is usually black and white. After reading a book from a well-known dating expert, you can pick up another book and read completely conflicting advice.

Nobody is 100% accurate all the time when discussing love, dating, and intimacy. Everyone is unique and has their own quirks, so the advice that works for one person may not work for you. Absolutes in a true/false test question are almost always false. Trust your gut and follow the dating advice that you believe in, even if the “experts” tell you it’s wrong.

3. Dating is complicated and messy.

You can ask 10 different people what love feels like, and you’ll get 10 different answers. Just like the idea of love is so variable from one person to the next, dating is also fluid and ever-changing. When a dating coach gives you black and white advice, take it with a grain of salt. She may be basing it on years of experience and knowledge, but it may not be what’s best for you.

I try not to speak in absolutes when giving dating advice. I know that it isn’t always black and white. There’s a gray area when it comes to dating, love, sex, relationships, and life itself. Trust your judgment and own the decisions you make. It’s your life, so get out there and date your way!