Can you rebuild trust after cheating?

Cheating can devastate you, your partner, and the relationship.

If you learn that your partner has cheated, you may automatically assume that it signifies the end of the relationship. Or, if you were the one who cheated, you may think your partner will never forgive you.

The truth is, that version of your relationship is over.

If you’ve only been together a short time and don’t have any real ties to each other, you can easily walk away and end the relationship.

It’s more complicated if you’re married, have kids, or own a house together. You may want to fight to keep the relationship alive.

 

So can you rebuild trust after cheating?

 

It won’t be an easy process, but it’s possible. It takes time and effort, and you may want to hire a therapist to help you through the difficulties.

Because you’ll be rebuilding what you had, you must accept that the old version of your relationship is dead. You have to start from scratch and slowly allow yourself to trust again.

In a previous blog, I wrote about how you shouldn’t tell your partner if you cheated. If you want to keep the current relationship you have with each other, you shouldn’t ever mention it. Of course, you should also stop cheating and do some internal work to figure out why you strayed in the first place.

However, if you decide to tell your partner you cheated, it means you’re willing to give up your current relationship. You can rebuild the trust after cheating, but then you’ll be transitioning into a brand new relationship, even if it’s with the same person.

A common reaction to being cheated on is feeling hurt and betrayed, and you need to let yourself feel all the pain and heartache that’s tearing you up inside. It’s unhealthy to bottle up or ignore your emotions during this stressful time. Check out this article for more helpful advice about building trust after cheating.

You can mend the relationship you have with your partner as long as you are both determined to make it work. Cheating does not necessarily signify the end of your time together. Instead, it signifies the end of that version of your relationship.

The 7 deadly sins in a relationship can cause conflict, contempt, and arguments that could ruin the bond you have with your partner.

These sins are applicable to all aspects of life, especially in relationships.

Once you acknowledge that you’re committing the sin, it’s time to work on yourself and fix what you’re doing. If you don’t, your relationship may disintegrate along with your happiness.

Here are the 7 deadly sins in a relationship:

1. Lust

Feeling lust for your partner is great, but if your eyes begin to wander and you lust over others, it could lead to cheating. Although this sin usually relates to sexual desire, it may also mean you desire material things or power.

2. Gluttony

Overconsumption of food is enjoyable for some, but it could kill the intimacy in your relationship. Eating too much will likely lead to obesity, and then your partner may not be attracted to you anymore.

3. Greed

This is another sin of desire (just like lust, gluttony, and envy). Being greedy is dangerous for a relationship because you may never be satisfied with what you have. You’ll always want more, and your partner will worry that he/she isn’t good enough.

4. Sloth

Sloth is laziness. When you get lazy in life, your relationship will suffer. You start losing your passion and drive, and your partner will notice that you don’t seem to put in effort anymore. It’s a definite turn-off, and you may end up alone.

5. Wrath

If you’re so angry all the time that people are afraid you’ll go into a rage, it’s time to take a step back and analyze your behavior. Your partner won’t want to communicate with you and will eventually leave to avoid your wrath.

6. Envy

When you’re jealous of what others have, it will eat away at you and distract you from what you already do have. You may start to ignore your partner and focus on everything you’re lacking in life, and then you’ll soon end up envious and alone.

7. Pride

Pride, the original and most dangerous sin, means you’re completely selfish and you put your own desires and wants before others. You believe you’re better than everyone, and your partner won’t appreciate being thought of as inferior.

 

As you can tell, the 7 deadly sins in a relationship can ruin the romance and intimacy. The show Lucifer delves into the 7 deadly sins from the Devil’s perspective, and you can see how easily a relationship dissolves once someone commits one of these sins.

Is it important to share interests with your partner?

A woman talks to a potential partner from a dating app, and the man asks what kind of hobbies she has. She mentions a variety of interests, including running, tennis, painting, and cooking. Then he asks what type of shows she watches and her taste in music. She tells him she prefers sitcoms and top 40 pop songs.

 He responds with, “Hmm, I don’t think this is going to work.”

“Why not?” she asks.

He tells her that he likes scuba diving, mountain biking, and listening to heavy metal. He only wants to date someone who shares those interests. Unfortunately, she never had the desire to try those activities or listen to that type of music. Before she even gets a chance to respond, he blocks her on the dating app.

Did he make the right choice in blocking her?

In dating, it’s more important to find a partner who shares your values and life goals. Sure, it would be nice to have one or two interests that you can share with a partner, but it’s not necessary.

You had a full life before you met this person, and it’s important for you to continue your passions and interests. You don’t need to be together 24/7, and you can find plenty of other people who share your hobbies.

If you love running, but your partner has bad knees and can’t run long-distance, join a running club or find a running buddy to motivate you.

If you absolutely must go scuba diving regularly, you can find others who share that interest. You don’t have to go with your partner.

 

So… is it important to share interests with your partner?

 

No! It’s important to get along, have similar relationship requirements, and have compatibility. Having different interests should not be a deal-breaker.

Maybe you’ll learn to love your partner’s interests if you give them a try. Or maybe not. Either way, you don’t want to be with someone who’s a clone of you. It’s good to have different skills and hobbies than your partner. Then you’ll balance each other out.

Don’t give up on someone who has completely different interests than you.

If you do share some interests, you may not even want to do them together. Perhaps you have a group of friends that you’ve exercised with for years, and adding your partner to the weekly workout feels like a betrayal to your friends. You can enjoy your hobbies and enjoy your relationship. You don’t have to do everything together.

It’s common to meet a partner while participating in an activity or hobby that you go to regularly. However, what’s going to happen if/when you break up? Will you continue going or be afraid to face the person after you separated?

Just like the expression “Don’t shit where you eat,” you should be wary of dating people you spend lots of time with. It could get extremely awkward to break up and then have to see this person’s face every time you participate in your shared interest.

Many people put too much weight on finding a partner with shared interests.

The truth is, what really matters is compatibility and mutual attraction.

Should you trust your gut?

The short answer is YES, you should always trust your gut. Your intuition knows what is right for you, and you should listen to any voice you hear in the back of your mind.

Is it your gut or cold feet?

I’ve heard countless stories of people who had second thoughts about marrying their partners on their wedding day, and they went through with it but later got divorced.

If people tell you to push your doubts away because it’s just cold feet, you should ignore everyone and only listen to yourself. You may realize that your gut is speaking to you.

It’s so difficult to end a marriage at any stage, and calling it off just before the wedding may seem ridiculous. After spending months planning the perfect wedding and pouring out tons of money to get every detail right, why would you call it off?

Unfortunately, many couples stay together for much longer than they should because they’d feel guilty ending it. They feel obligated to spend their lives with this person because they made a vow that they would.

Or, if they’re not married, they feel like it’s not worth the effort to cut off ties and separate their belongings and say goodbye to everyone and everything that’s connected to their partners.

Ending a toxic relationship is a huge step, but it’s the only option if you want to have a happy, fulfilling life.

Even if you have doubts, it’s common to convince yourself that everything is fine. You suppress your feelings because you don’t want to face reality. You continue with the relationship because it’s comfortable and easy.

If you have an inkling that it’s wrong, get the courage to end it.

You must listen to yourself. If you push your gut feeling aside, you’ll face much bigger consequences later on. Maybe not tomorrow or even a year from now, but you’ll eventually have to deal with the fact that your relationship isn’t right for you.

Staying in a relationship for the wrong reasons is extremely common. You may stay because:

1. You’re already committed to each other/married.

2. You have a child together.

3. You save money by living together.

4. You’ve been partners for a long time, and it’s convenient.

5. You gave up a job or house to be with this person.

If reading any of these makes you queasy, it’s time to reassess your relationship. Is it healthy for you to continue? If it helps, try meditating or taking a walk to clear your head. Ask yourself questions, and the answers will come to you.

Are you unsure of what your gut is telling you?

If you’re unsure, there are other ways to know. There’s a difference between feeling butterflies in your stomach and feeling like you’re going to throw up.

Nausea is obviously a bad sign, whereas butterflies are good.

You should also learn to trust your nose. What you smell is a very powerful indicator of how compatible you are with someone. It sends signals to the brain if the relationship is going sour, so if you don’t feel anything in your gut but start to get turned off by your partner’s smell, that’s a sign that it’s not right.

Your eyes will also “show you the light.” It’s important to be at least a little bit physically attracted to your partner in the beginning. That attraction can grow immensely, but if the person starts appearing unattractive to you over time, it’s another sign that the relationship isn’t meant to be.

Pay attention to your gut, nose, and eyes, and the truth will be evident to you. You have intuition for a reason, and it will lead you on the right path, no matter how many roadblocks you face along the way.