Is it important to share interests with your partner?
A woman talks to a potential partner from a dating app, and the man asks what kind of hobbies she has. She mentions a variety of interests, including running, tennis, painting, and cooking. Then he asks what type of shows she watches and her taste in music. She tells him she prefers sitcoms and top 40 pop songs.
He responds with, “Hmm, I don’t think this is going to work.”
“Why not?” she asks.
He tells her that he likes scuba diving, mountain biking, and listening to heavy metal. He only wants to date someone who shares those interests. Unfortunately, she never had the desire to try those activities or listen to that type of music. Before she even gets a chance to respond, he blocks her on the dating app.
Did he make the right choice in blocking her?
In dating, it’s more important to find a partner who shares your values and life goals. Sure, it would be nice to have one or two interests that you can share with a partner, but it’s not necessary.
You had a full life before you met this person, and it’s important for you to continue your passions and interests. You don’t need to be together 24/7, and you can find plenty of other people who share your hobbies.
If you love running, but your partner has bad knees and can’t run long-distance, join a running club or find a running buddy to motivate you.
If you absolutely must go scuba diving regularly, you can find others who share that interest. You don’t have to go with your partner.
So… is it important to share interests with your partner?
No! It’s important to get along, have similar relationship requirements, and have compatibility. Having different interests should not be a deal-breaker.
Maybe you’ll learn to love your partner’s interests if you give them a try. Or maybe not. Either way, you don’t want to be with someone who’s a clone of you. It’s good to have different skills and hobbies than your partner. Then you’ll balance each other out.
Don’t give up on someone who has completely different interests than you.
If you do share some interests, you may not even want to do them together. Perhaps you have a group of friends that you’ve exercised with for years, and adding your partner to the weekly workout feels like a betrayal to your friends. You can enjoy your hobbies and enjoy your relationship. You don’t have to do everything together.
It’s common to meet a partner while participating in an activity or hobby that you go to regularly. However, what’s going to happen if/when you break up? Will you continue going or be afraid to face the person after you separated?
Just like the expression “Don’t shit where you eat,” you should be wary of dating people you spend lots of time with. It could get extremely awkward to break up and then have to see this person’s face every time you participate in your shared interest.
Many people put too much weight on finding a partner with shared interests.
The truth is, what really matters is compatibility and mutual attraction.