There are 7 ways to really get to know someone you’re in a relationship with.

Of course, spending time together, asking each other deep questions, and participating in activities together are all vital to growing as a couple. But if you want to know your date’s true nature, this list will help you gain insight.

Here are 7 Ways to Really Get to Know Someone:

1. See how he acts while drunk

Your true colors will show when you’re drunk. Alcohol lowers your inhibitions, and you may do stupid things without thinking. Your personality could become more extreme, whether you’re silly and happy, angry and aggressive, moody and emotional, or relaxed and calm. After your date has a few drinks, pay attention to his behavior to get a sense of his true nature.

2. See how he treats the waiter

You may have heard that the way a man treats his waiter is very telling of his personality. It’s true! If your date is condescending, demanding, or just plain rude to the waiter, there’s a good chance he’ll treat you the same way. Maybe not yet, but you’ll eventually see that side shine through. On the other hand, if your date is friendly and generous with the waiter, it’s a sign that he’ll probably be that way with you in the long run.

3. See how he behaves while angry

Everyone has a unique way of showing anger. Some clam up and lock themselves in their room until they calm down. Others lash out at anyone in their path. Some appear to be a ticking time bomb, and if you make the slightest movement or comment to set them off, they’ll explode. Showing anger makes you vulnerable, but if your date handles his anger in a mature way, you’ll learn a lot about his true nature.

4. See how he acts when sick

Being sick is awful. You not only feel physically weak and helpless, but it clogs your mind and judgment as well. In the movie Wedding Crashers, a character ingests Visine, which causes him to be sick all night. He’s rude and demanding to his girlfriend, and although he had been able to hide that nasty side from her, his true personality shows when he’s sitting by the toilet.

5. During an emergency

If there’s an emergency, would you want your date to panic and run around acting like a chicken with its head cut off? Or would taking appropriate actions to resolve the situation be much better? How your date deals with last-minute emergencies is telling of his personality. If you’re injured, you want someone by your side who will take charge and help you, while keeping you calm and relaxed throughout the whole ordeal.

6. See how he interacts with family

You may hide your true self from dating prospects and instead show the best version of yourself for as long as possible. However, your family knows the truest version of who you are. After all, you’ve grown up together, and they saw all sides of you at every stage of your life. Once you watch how your date interacts with his family, you’ll get a sense of who he truly is.

7. While on vacation

Going on vacation with a partner is a great way to really get to know each other. You’re both out of your comfort zone and in a new environment, and you can’t always control your surroundings. You get to see what he’s like on a plane, in a hotel, while exploring, and when things go wrong. If it’s raining the day you wanted to go to the beach, does he get frustrated and moody? You can learn how rigid or flexible he is throughout the entire vacation experience.

What are the 5 main fears you have in a relationship?

I took a seminar years ago about the five fears people have in life. If you search on the internet, you’ll find a variety of fears named, including this list in Psychology Today.

Because fear comes in many forms, there’s no absolute list of what people fear the most. Thinking back on the seminar I took, I realized that the top fears that were discussed are completely applicable to relationships.

Love is a major part of life, and you may take huge risks in love, hoping for a positive outcome of living happily ever after. You could also be terrified to take a risk because of past experiences or some sort of fear that’s holding you back.

Here are the 5 fears you have in a relationship:

1. Rejection

In all stages of dating and relationships, there’s a possibility of being rejected. You might be rejected just for going up to someone and saying hi. Or you’ve been talking for a few minutes, and you’re rejected after asking the person out. Or you go on a few dates, and then the person rejects you. Even more traumatic is if you date for months or years or build a life together as a married couple, and then you face sudden rejection.

Whenever you take a risk in love, you must realize that there’s a chance you’ll be rejected. It’s normal to fear rejection, but you’ll never have success if you don’t try. What’s the worst that could happen? Life is messy. You’ll be rejected from all sorts of things in life, including dates, jobs, friendships, tryouts, and more. Once you get over your fear of rejection, you’ll take more risks and have more success.

2. Failure

You may have put a ton of effort into your relationship. If you devoted all your time and energy into this person, you’ll feel like a total failure when the relationship fails. You have a fear of the relationship falling apart and ending, so you do whatever it takes to fix the broken parts. Unfortunately, some relationships are doomed, no matter what.

If you fear failure, you may continue spending time with someone that’s wrong for you. Everyone excels in certain areas and fails in others, so you’re not unique to fail in your relationship. Once you accept that failing in this relationship will help you succeed in a future one, you’ll be a lot closer to finding a compatible partner.

3. Being Out of Control

The only thing you can control is yourself. It’s scary to feel like the world is crumbling around you, and there’s nothing you can do to stop it. When you’re in a relationship, you can’t control the other person’s thoughts or actions. If you have a fear of letting go and being out of control, you may never have a fulfilling relationship.

In order to feel love, you must be comfortable being out of control. Think about the phrase “falling in love.” Just like the physical act of falling, it can be scary, sudden, and uncontrollable. You’re in a vulnerable state as you fall. Instead of fearing this feeling, it’s healthier to embrace it and allow yourself to enjoy having no control over your feelings of love.

4. The Unknown

Life is a mystery. Love is a mystery. Who knows what the future will bring. It’s pointless to fear what you don’t know. If you spend your life being afraid of what’s to come, you’ll never experience what is right in front of you. Worrying and wondering about your unknown future will keep you stuck in a meaningless life.

If you want to have an amazing relationship, you have to let go of your fear of the unknown. You may die tomorrow or live until you’re 120. It’s impossible to know, so all you can do is be happy in the present. Don’t put off taking risks in love because of your fear of the unknown. If you wait until your fear subsides, it may be too late to be with your true love.

5. Physical Pain

This fear may seem unrelated to relationships, but it’s actually a very real fear that people have when it comes to love. When a relationship ends, you feel the pain in your whole body. Your heart aches, you may have nausea and abdominal pain, and your body feels heavy and weak.

If you have a fear of physical pain, you may be scared to get involved in a committed relationship because you’re dreading that awful feeling you have when you break up. Life has ups and downs. In order to experience the bliss of an incredible, passionate romance, you will also likely experience a disastrous breakup that leaves your body aching for weeks. If you want love in your life, you have to push past your fear of pain and hope for the best.

You may have all 5 of these fears in a relationship. Or perhaps you have learned to ignore your fears because your desire for a relationship overpowers your fears. If you know you are ready for a relationship and you won’t let anything get in the way of your dreams, then it’s time to conquer your fears.

How can you date without appearing desperate?

It’s an immediate turn off to be on a first date and realize that the person you’re sitting across from wants to be married with kids as soon as possible. It’s also a turn off to watch your date undress you with his/her eyes instead of getting to know you.

Men tend to be desperate for sex, while women tend to be desperate for stability (i.e., marriage and kids). The gender roles could be reversed, but that’s usually the norm in dating.

In either case, showing desperation will push the person you’re interested in far, far away. The more you try to pull them toward you, the more they’ll pull away. Think of an elastic band – it will eventually snap if you stretch it too far. In the early stages of dating, you have to approach the relationship slowly and deliberately.

So how can you date without appearing desperate?

1. Don’t be overly available.

Although I hate game-playing when it comes to dating, you have to be somewhat mysterious at first. Don’t respond immediately to every call and text. Try to play it cool, and don’t change your plans for a date. If you were supposed to go out with friends, don’t ditch them because your date just called to ask you out last-minute.

2. Don’t text constantly.

Just like you shouldn’t be overly available, you also don’t want to be in constant communication with your date, especially if he/she is ignoring the majority of your messages. While scrolling through your phone, you should see a back and forth conversation. If it’s one-sided and all coming from you, then it means you’re appearing too desperate.

3. Don’t state the obvious.

If you’re desperate for sex, don’t tell your date that you’re horny as hell and it has been way too long since you were intimate with anyone. Perhaps your date feels the same way, but mentioning it out loud could very well ruin your chances for any physical contact. On the other hand, if you desperately want to get married, talking about your dream of living in a quaint neighborhood with two kids and a picket fence will put a ton of pressure on your date. It’s important to discuss this stuff later on, but not on a first date.

4. Don’t depend on others for your happiness.

You need to learn to be happy on your own. If you count on your date to provide happiness, then you’ll become needy and desperate for happiness from external means, instead of being happy within yourself. Neediness comes across as desperate, and it’ll be a turn off for your date.

The most important thing is to be confident and proud of who you are! Confidence is sexy, and your date will be attracted to your positivity.

Feel free to talk to your friends about how desperate you are for love or sex or companionship, but keep any desperate actions far away from your date. Read more about how to avoid seeming desperate in this article.

When you appear desperate, it makes your date feel like you’d choose anybody, as long as they fulfill your desires. Your date wants to be a prize, not just someone to fulfill your need for sex or marriage.

During these times of uncertainty in the world, many people are desperate for love and affection. Others are desperate for any type of physical touch, especially sex or even just cuddling. Keep in mind that most of us are desperate for something, but the trick is to keep that desperation in check and find a compatible partner. Then you can fulfill each other’s needs, and your desperation will disappear.

Can you rebuild trust after cheating?

Cheating can devastate you, your partner, and the relationship.

If you learn that your partner has cheated, you may automatically assume that it signifies the end of the relationship. Or, if you were the one who cheated, you may think your partner will never forgive you.

The truth is, that version of your relationship is over.

If you’ve only been together a short time and don’t have any real ties to each other, you can easily walk away and end the relationship.

It’s more complicated if you’re married, have kids, or own a house together. You may want to fight to keep the relationship alive.

So can you rebuild trust after cheating?

It won’t be an easy process, but it’s possible. It takes time and effort, and you may want to hire a therapist to help you through the difficulties.

Because you’ll be rebuilding what you had, you must accept that the old version of your relationship is dead. You have to start from scratch and slowly allow yourself to trust again.

In a previous blog, I wrote about how you shouldn’t tell your partner if you cheated. If you want to keep the current relationship you have with each other, you shouldn’t ever mention it. Of course, you should also stop cheating and do some internal work to figure out why you strayed in the first place.

However, if you decide to tell your partner you cheated, it means you’re willing to give up your current relationship. You can rebuild the trust after cheating, but then you’ll be transitioning into a brand new relationship, even if it’s with the same person.

A common reaction to being cheated on is feeling hurt and betrayed, and you need to let yourself feel all the pain and heartache that’s tearing you up inside. It’s unhealthy to bottle up or ignore your emotions during this stressful time. Check out this article for more helpful advice about building trust after cheating.

You can mend the relationship you have with your partner as long as you are both determined to make it work. Cheating does not necessarily signify the end of your time together. Instead, it signifies the end of that version of your relationship.

The 7 deadly sins in a relationship can cause conflict, contempt, and arguments that could ruin the bond you have with your partner.

These sins are applicable to all aspects of life, especially in relationships.

Once you acknowledge that you’re committing the sin, it’s time to work on yourself and fix what you’re doing. If you don’t, your relationship may disintegrate along with your happiness.

Here are the 7 deadly sins in a relationship:

1. Lust

Feeling lust for your partner is great, but if your eyes begin to wander and you lust over others, it could lead to cheating. Although this sin usually relates to sexual desire, it may also mean you desire material things or power.

2. Gluttony

Overconsumption of food is enjoyable for some, but it could kill the intimacy in your relationship. Eating too much will likely lead to obesity, and then your partner may not be attracted to you anymore.

3. Greed

This is another sin of desire (just like lust, gluttony, and envy). Being greedy is dangerous for a relationship because you may never be satisfied with what you have. You’ll always want more, and your partner will worry that he/she isn’t good enough.

4. Sloth

Sloth is laziness. When you get lazy in life, your relationship will suffer. You start losing your passion and drive, and your partner will notice that you don’t seem to put in effort anymore. It’s a definite turn-off, and you may end up alone.

5. Wrath

If you’re so angry all the time that people are afraid you’ll go into a rage, it’s time to take a step back and analyze your behavior. Your partner won’t want to communicate with you and will eventually leave to avoid your wrath.

6. Envy

When you’re jealous of what others have, it will eat away at you and distract you from what you already do have. You may start to ignore your partner and focus on everything you’re lacking in life, and then you’ll soon end up envious and alone.

7. Pride

Pride, the original and most dangerous sin, means you’re completely selfish and you put your own desires and wants before others. You believe you’re better than everyone, and your partner won’t appreciate being thought of as inferior.

As you can tell, the 7 deadly sins in a relationship can ruin the romance and intimacy. The show Lucifer delves into the 7 deadly sins from the Devil’s perspective, and you can see how easily a relationship dissolves once someone commits one of these sins.

Is it important to share interests with your partner?

A woman talks to a potential partner from a dating app, and the man asks what kind of hobbies she has. She mentions a variety of interests, including running, tennis, painting, and cooking. Then he asks what type of shows she watches and her taste in music. She tells him she prefers sitcoms and top 40 pop songs.

 He responds with, “Hmm, I don’t think this is going to work.”

“Why not?” she asks.

He tells her that he likes scuba diving, mountain biking, and listening to heavy metal. He only wants to date someone who shares those interests. Unfortunately, she never had the desire to try those activities or listen to that type of music. Before she even gets a chance to respond, he blocks her on the dating app.

Did he make the right choice in blocking her?

In dating, it’s more important to find a partner who shares your values and life goals. Sure, it would be nice to have one or two interests that you can share with a partner, but it’s not necessary.

You had a full life before you met this person, and it’s important for you to continue your passions and interests. You don’t need to be together 24/7, and you can find plenty of other people who share your hobbies.

If you love running, but your partner has bad knees and can’t run long-distance, join a running club or find a running buddy to motivate you.

If you absolutely must go scuba diving regularly, you can find others who share that interest. You don’t have to go with your partner.

So… is it important to share interests with your partner?

No! It’s important to get along, have similar relationship requirements, and have compatibility. Having different interests should not be a deal-breaker.

Maybe you’ll learn to love your partner’s interests if you give them a try. Or maybe not. Either way, you don’t want to be with someone who’s a clone of you. It’s good to have different skills and hobbies than your partner. Then you’ll balance each other out.

Don’t give up on someone who has completely different interests than you.

If you do share some interests, you may not even want to do them together. Perhaps you have a group of friends that you’ve exercised with for years, and adding your partner to the weekly workout feels like a betrayal to your friends. You can enjoy your hobbies and enjoy your relationship. You don’t have to do everything together.

It’s common to meet a partner while participating in an activity or hobby that you go to regularly. However, what’s going to happen if/when you break up? Will you continue going or be afraid to face the person after you separated?

Just like the expression “Don’t shit where you eat,” you should be wary of dating people you spend lots of time with. It could get extremely awkward to break up and then have to see this person’s face every time you participate in your shared interest.

Many people put too much weight on finding a partner with shared interests.

The truth is, what really matters is compatibility and mutual attraction.