Are you compatible or combatible? Do you feel like your relationship is based on similarities and open communication, or are you always arguing and waiting for it to fall apart?

You may stay in a relationship longer than you should because you have lots of passion and excitement. Perhaps you have amazing sex, but outside of the bedroom, you can’t agree on anything. Are you with your partner for the right reasons?

Traits of a Compatible Relationship:

1. Similar life goals and requirements

You and your partner are in agreement about the path you want to take and how you’ll live your life together. A decision has been made about having kids or not, where you’ll live, and what type of lifestyle you’ll have as a family.

2. In the same stage of life

If you and your partner are in the same stage of life and are interested in the same thing right now, then you’re on your way to a successful, happy relationship.

3. Fulfillment of your desires

For a relationship to be compatible, you should connect with your partner physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. It takes time to develop these aspects, but once you feel compatible on all four levels, hold on to this person forever!

4. Ability to be your best self

There’s no need to hold back or put up a wall around your partner. You are the truest and best version of yourself, and you aren’t embarrassed to let your personality shine through.

5. Your five senses approve

Pay attention to your five senses when you’re in a relationship. They are all important indicators of attraction. Any sign you receive from your sense of sight, sound, taste, smell, or touch shouldn’t be ignored.

6. Good chemistry

Having chemistry with your partner is vital to a compatible relationship. If you’re compatible in all the above ways and have excellent chemistry, then you may be a perfect match.

Traits of a Combatible Relationship:

It’s pretty simple. If you’re lacking in any or all of the above traits that are needed for a compatible relationship, it’s likely combatible instead! Breaking out into constant fights and walking on eggshells around your partner are other traits of a combatible relationship.

How many faces do you have? You may know your true self, but you likely show a different side of your personality to everyone you interact with. Your relationship with family is vastly different from your relationship with friends. And when you’re dating someone, you show another side of yourself.

Your Family Face

When interacting with family, you’re able to let your guard down. Your parents and siblings have seen you at your worst and watched you go through puberty, so there’s no need to put on a show and lie about who you are.

Of course, if you want to impress your parents and make them believe you’re “perfect,” when in actuality, they’d be highly disappointed by your current lifestyle, then you’ll show a fake version of yourself.

Either way, your personality around your family is very distinct. These are people who have known you since birth. Your personality was developed while interacting with family, so it’s who you are at your core.

Your Friends Face

With friends, you may put up a front at first to fit in. You want them to like you, so you show a better version of yourself to get these people interested in you. Once a friendship has been developed, you can start to be your true self.

If you have different friend groups, you’ll show a different side of yourself to each group. For example, you may play sports with one set of friends, and your competitive personality shines through with them. If you perform with a theater or music group, your creative side will show with those friends.

Your Work Face

While working, you have to be professional and mature at all times. One slip-up could get you fired if another side of your personality shows up at work.

True story: I was acting in a murder mystery improv show, and I had to interact with guests at a dinner table. We were all telling funny stories, and I felt comfortable enough to make a penis joke. Later on, the audience discovered I was part of the show. Well, a guy at the table was offended by my joke, so he reported me and got me fired.

Even while working in improv, you have to stay professional. No matter who you’re interacting with, you have to remember to show your work face. Unfortunately, it may not be the truest version of yourself, but if you want to keep your job, you have to suck it up!

Your Dating Face

When you go on a first date, you probably hold back a part of yourself. Then, as you grow more comfortable with your partner, you begin to reveal more and more about who you are.

Your flirtatious and sexy face comes out when you like your date. You’d never dare show this side of yourself to family or co-workers. If you have a crush on someone from your friend circle, this side of your personality may appear while on a date or hanging out with friends.

You also show different dating faces, depending on what the other person is like. If you’ve ever dated multiple people at once, you probably noticed that your personality was different with each person.

Your Personal Face

The song “The Stranger” by Billy Joel is about showing your true self when you’re alone. These are the first few lines:

Well, we all have a face that we hide away forever

And we take them out and show ourselves when everyone has gone

Basically, you hide who you are around every single person and only show your true face when you’re by yourself. You show parts of your face around others, but you’re the truest version of yourself when you have no one to impress.

How many faces do you have? Do you show off all of these faces and more on a daily basis?

Dating advice isn’t always black and white. There’s a gray area when it comes to dating. When people are seeking advice about their love lives, those who dole it out may often speak in absolutes. They say that you must listen to them or remain single forever. They basically mean, “It’s my way or the highway.”

Unfortunately, it’s a trap to give and receive advice that’s completely black and white. Even though the “expert” thinks his way is the only way to date, there is always a gray area in love and dating.

Why Dating Advice Isn’t Always Black and White:

1. There are exceptions to every rule.

A friend of mine told me that she always goes on three dates with a guy before deciding if she wants to continue or end it. She tells everyone to do the same, no matter what. Generally, I agree that it’s a great plan to give him a second and even third chance to redeem himself if he didn’t show his best self on the first date.

However, there are many exceptions to this rule. If your date’s behavior was unacceptable or you felt unsafe in his presence, you aren’t obligated to give it another try. Attraction can grow over time, but if you feel physically sick from your date’s appearance, there’s no need to waste another second with him.

2. People do not fit into neat little boxes.

Most books that give dating advice make gross generalizations about men and women. They say that “all men are like this…” and “all women do that…” People are placed into categories, and the advice is usually black and white. After reading a book from a well-known dating expert, you can pick up another book and read completely conflicting advice.

Nobody is 100% accurate all the time when discussing love, dating, and intimacy. Everyone is unique and has their own quirks, so the advice that works for one person may not work for you. Absolutes in a true/false test question are almost always false. Trust your gut and follow the dating advice that you believe in, even if the “experts” tell you it’s wrong.

3. Dating is complicated and messy.

You can ask 10 different people what love feels like, and you’ll get 10 different answers. Just like the idea of love is so variable from one person to the next, dating is also fluid and ever-changing. When a dating coach gives you black and white advice, take it with a grain of salt. She may be basing it on years of experience and knowledge, but it may not be what’s best for you.

I try not to speak in absolutes when giving dating advice. I know that it isn’t always black and white. There’s a gray area when it comes to dating, love, sex, relationships, and life itself. Trust your judgment and own the decisions you make. It’s your life, so get out there and date your way!

What does love smell like?

When it comes to dating, smell is the number one element of attraction. What you smell is a powerful indicator of how compatible you are with someone. Your other senses are important in assessing attraction, but your nose is the key to love.

Some colognes and perfumes supposedly contain human pheromones, but you can’t bottle up a person’s actual scent. A 2006 movie called Perfume is about a man who tries to create the most magnificent perfume by combining the scent of great-smelling women. Unfortunately, it’s not possible. Plus, the saying “one man’s trash is another man’s treasure” applies to smells. You may think someone smells glorious, while your friend thinks that person smells awful.

If your major histocompatibility complex (MHC) genes are either too similar or too different, you won’t be attracted to the person’s smell. Your genetic makeup is either compatible with the person you want to date, or it’s not. You can’t change how you smell. Yes, you can mask your unique smell by spraying yourself with various fragrances, rubbing scented lotion on your body, or just wearing deodorant, but your smell will never change.

I personally don’t like it when a man tries to cover up his natural scent by wearing cologne or body spray. Then it will just take longer for me to discover if we’re genetically compatible! I have an extraordinary sense of smell, so learning a man’s scent is the fastest way for me to decide if I’m attracted to him. If we meet at a party, I’ll be unable to decipher his smell from all the other scents swirling around the room. But, after spending time alone with him, I’ll start to notice his smell more clearly.

So… what does love actually smell like?

Love smells different to everyone. When you get into a committed relationship, you’ll hopefully start to crave your partner’s smell. If, after removing all outside fragrances and distracting scents, you still don’t like how your partner smells when you sniff him, then you’re probably not genetically compatible.

Years ago, I started dating a guy and wasn’t sure how I felt about his scent. I wasn’t repulsed by it, but I wasn’t attracted to it either… at first. We continued dating, and after a few weeks, I couldn’t get enough of his smell! Just like it can take time to grow attracted to someone, it can also take time for you to be turned on by your partner’s smell.

When I’m in an exclusive relationship with a man and desire his smell, my brain ignores the pheromones of other men. Even if I’m exposed to many men that I’d normally be attracted to, I’m not turned on by their smells. However, as soon as I’m single again, my nose picks up on all the pheromones in the environment. I can sniff out all the attractive men and figure out who is most compatible with me.

What if you don’t have a good sense of smell?

Anosmia is the complete loss of smell. One of the common symptoms of COVID-19 is loss of smell. Some people complained of not being able to smell or taste anything for six months. Besides being sick, certain medications or conditions can prevent you from smelling anything or change your sense of smell. If you experience a sudden loss of smell and can’t figure out the cause, you should go to your doctor.

Love can be discovered through your nose. When in doubt, sniff it out!

There are 6 reasons you should always start with a video date.

Back in the olden days, meaning pre-pandemic, I had no problem meeting a guy from a dating app after a quick texting exchange. I preferred to have a ten minute phone conversation first to hear his voice, but I also liked being spontaneous and jumping in my car to meet a guy in person right away.

I wanted to know if there was in-person chemistry, so I always recommended a face-to-face meeting as soon as possible.

Then COVID-19 happened. I wasn’t as eager to meet people in person anymore. Now that many of us are fully vaccinated, you may argue that it’s safe to go back to my previous dating method of meeting right away. However, I have realized that starting with a video date is the best beginning to any relationship.

Here are 6 reasons to start with a video date:

1. You save time.

Not everyone will live within a few blocks of you, especially if you’re in a large city. You may live an hour away from your date. Even if you’re meeting halfway, you’ll have to give yourself an hour to get there – to add in time if there’s traffic, to search for parking, and to walk to your meeting place. And then it could take another hour to get home. You just spent two hours driving to and from your date, and you have no idea if you’ll even like the person you’re meeting.

If you have a video date first, it takes five seconds to set up your camera and start your virtual date!

2. You save money.

Just as you spend time getting to and from your date, driving or taking public transportation costs money. You have to pay for gas or bus/train fare, and there may be a parking fee as well. If you go out for food or drinks or even to do an activity, it all gets expensive. You might want to get your hair done or buy new clothes, and the money adds up quickly.

If you have a video date, you don’t need to spend a dime. There are no fees to park, and you’re not buying food or drinks for your date.

3. It’s safer.

Any time you meet a stranger, you could be putting yourself in danger. Unless others can vouch for your date, you have no idea if this person is a serial killer! Also, every person you encounter could be a threat to your health these days. Meeting a date in person puts you at risk for COVID-19 or any other illness he/she may have.

On the other hand, you can stay safe and healthy by turning on your phone/computer and having a relaxing video date.

4. You can hear and see the person.

Looking at your date and listening to the sound of his/her voice is basically what a first date entails. Sure, you could be meeting just to have sex, but if you’re interested in a relationship, having a meaningful conversation is normally the first step to decide if you’re attracted to each other. You can start with a phone call, but then you have no idea what your date looks like. What if the profile pictures are 30 years old?

You can have a video date to hear and see the person, and it’s just as good as sitting across from each other at a bar.

5. You can assess chemistry.

Nothing beats in-person chemistry. You may strongly believe that you have to be face-to-face to see if you truly have chemistry with your date. You’re not completely wrong. You may connect on all levels through virtual dates, but you realize there are no sparks as soon as you meet in person.

I don’t want you to waste your time having months of video dates before meeting in person, but just one video date is enough to see if your conversation flows and you have a nice rapport over video. If you don’t seem to “get” each other, then you can say your goodbyes and move on. Or, if you feel totally connected over video, then you’ll be even more excited to meet in person.

6. It’s more comfortable.

Waiting for hours to get a table at your favorite restaurant isn’t fun. Being surrounded by loud, annoying strangers while you’re trying to have a pleasant conversation with your date isn’t enjoyable. Walking in the park with your date seems so romantic until a thunderstorm gives you an unwelcome shower.

You can have a comfortable video date instead! You don’t even need to wear pants as you sprawl out on your couch.

Dating is difficult. And people are lazy. Why spend hours preparing for a date that ends up sucking the life out of you? It takes minimal effort to get ready for a video date. You should still fix your hair and put on a nice shirt, but you don’t need to worry about being overly impressive on video. Video dating is safe and easy, and you can quickly figure out if you’re compatible and whether it’s worth it to meet in person.

How do you get over a breakup? When you’re dating someone you really care about, it’s devastating to end the relationship and go your separate ways.

Some people are able to heal and jump into another relationship immediately, but others need time to process the breakup.

Being ghosted in dating can also sometimes feel like a breakup. It’s sudden and confusing, and you’ll probably feel hurt and rejected.

No matter how long you were dating, breaking up with someone is traumatizing. Whether you end the relationship or the other person does, it’s a sad and depressing time. When you go through a breakup, you have to deal with a huge loss in your life. You need time to mourn.

Elisabeth-Kubler Ross created a model for the five stages of grief, which are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Although this model is about coping with the loss of a loved one, when you break up with someone, it signifies the death of the relationship.

How do you get over a breakup?

1. Denial

You might first deny that you’re broken up. You deny it to yourself and to your friends because it just doesn’t seem real that this person is gone from your life.

2. Anger

You’re pissed off at this person. It’s rude to end a meaningful relationship after pouring so much energy into it. You’re bubbling with anger, and you want your ex to suffer for the pain he/she caused you.

3. Bargaining

You might have blamed yourself for the breakup, so you start to bargain in your mind and tell yourself that you’ll change and be a better person. You may also try to bargain with your ex to take you back if you change aspects of yourself.

4. Depression

Going through a stage of depression is a common part of any breakup. You’ve given up hope that you’ll ever get back together, and you just feel sad and alone and lose excitement for all the things you love.

5. Acceptance

You have reached the final stage once you’ve accepted that the relationship is over. You stopped denying it, you’re no longer filled with anger, you see no need to bargain with yourself or your ex, and you don’t feel sad and depressed anymore.

A breakup is similar to a death because the relationship that you’ve grown so fond of has disappeared. Everyone copes with a breakup differently. I have personally gone through the five stages of grief in all my breakups, but you may skip some steps or go through them in a different order. Some stages may last much longer than others, and it’s possible to go through the stages of grief while you’re still in the relationship! If you know in your heart that it’s not going to last, you may already accept it before you officially break up.

There’s no right or wrong way to get over a breakup. Some people prefer to take a dating break for a year after a heart-wrenching breakup, and they can get back in the saddle when they feel ready. Others like to jump back into dating right away. Do whatever works for you, as long as you give yourself time to mourn and heal.