Have you figured out the mystery of ghosting in dating? You probably know what ghosting is. It has been around for years, and with dating apps and social media blowing up, it has become very common in the dating world. Have you ever ghosted someone or been ghosted?
What is ghosting in dating?
In case you’ve never heard the term, ghosting means ceasing all communication and contact with a partner or friend without any warning or justification, and subsequently ignoring any attempts to reach out made by said partner or friend (according to Wikipedia).
In simple terms, ghosting means disappearing from someone’s life with no warning or follow-up. It can happen at any stage of the dating process. After a few texting exchanges, some phone calls, after a few dates, or sometimes even after months of dating.
Why do people ghost?
They do it because it’s quick and easy. Instead of facing you or coming up with a reason they don’t want to talk to you, it’s faster to just disappear. They can delete themselves from your life by blocking you on the dating app, unfriending you on Facebook, or removing your number from their phone. This type of ghosting tends to happen most frequently in the very early stages of dating, probably before you ever met in person. They might have a lot going on in life and don’t have time for a relationship. Although it hurts to be ghosted, it’s a blessing in disguise at this phase.
They also might ghost because they have no interest in you. Maybe you went out once or twice and felt attraction, but the other person didn’t. They feel bad giving you an honest reason they don’t want to see you again, so they do it the coward’s way by disappearing. At this phase, it hurts a little more because you’ve devoted more time and energy to the person, and then they leave you feeling confused and vulnerable.
The worst type of ghosting is when they do it after weeks or months or even years of dating. Because you’ve known each other for a long time, you may have developed a relationship with the person’s friends and family. When the person ghosts you, you may be ghosted by all the friends and family, too. This type of ghosting shows that they are emotionally immature. They could be mentally unstable, and it’ll be better for you in the long run to be without them.
What happens to you if you’re ghosted?
First of all, you’re going to feel hurt and confused. No matter what stage of the dating process you were in, it’s still confusing to be ghosted. You spent a lot of time talking and developing feelings and attachment, and then, all of a sudden, the person vanishes from your life. You’ll feel sad and rejected, and it makes absolutely no sense as to why it happened.
You also might blame yourself. You try to justify the ghosting by thinking you said something to push them away. Did you possibly do something to turn them off? You overanalyze every single word you said. Then you come up with a few reasons the person ghosted you, and you focus on those and blame yourself as you go into a downward spiral.
If you’re ghosted after a long time together, you may go through the five stages of grief. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross created a model for the five stages of grief, which are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Although this model is about coping with the death of a loved one, when someone ghosts you, it signifies the death of the relationship.
How do you deal with getting ghosted?
You must recognize that it happened. Give yourself as much time as you need to process your feelings, and try not to dwell on it. You can’t control what the other person does, so you have to let it sink in and move on with your life. If you find yourself going through the five stages of grief, it might take a few weeks or months until you feel like your true self again. Take a break from dating if you need to.
Going through a breakup by being ghosted is the worst ending to a relationship because you get no closure. Therefore, you have to create your own closure, whatever that means for you. If you need to write a long letter and send it to the person, then do it. Or, you can write a letter and envision giving it to the person. Instead of sending it, you rip it up and throw it out to signify ridding yourself of this person.
Think about activities you enjoy doing, and turn one of those into an experience of closure. If you like to draw, you can draw a picture that signifies closure for you. Or you can belt out songs in the car or shower that are about love and loss. You can deal with ghosting in your own way, and take all the time you need to heal.
Ghosting will remain a mystery in the dating world.
Instead of owning up to your feelings or communicating that you don’t want to date someone anymore, many people resort to ghosting. It happens to everyone, and it sucks, but it has taken over the world of dating.