Should you take a break from your relationship?

There’s no cut and dry answer to this question. There are many different circumstances that can lead to a relationship break, and it really depends on the couple’s situation.

If you do decide to take a break from your relationship, here are some rules to follow:

1. State clear rules and boundaries.

Just like in the famous Friends episode, Ross thought it was acceptable to sleep with someone else when Rachel asked for a break. Even if you mutually decide to take a break in the heat of the moment, make sure you communicate what that means to you. Is dating other people allowed during this time apart? Will you talk at all or have no communication?

2. Decide on a timeframe.

Asking for a few days or a week to be alone and think about your relationship can be beneficial. However, if you don’t specify how long you want the break to last, you’ll both be confused and unsure of when to end your time apart. If you don’t know how long you need, it wouldn’t be fair to keep your partner waiting for months until you make a decision.

3. Discuss why you’re taking a break.

It might be obvious to the person suggesting it, but make sure your partner knows why you need a break from the relationship. Whoever wants to take a break should also be the person to reach out first and end the silence.

4. Know what you want to accomplish.

You may need some distance from your partner, but what do you hope to gain from this break? You should talk about what you need to work on while you’re apart.

 

When you should end the relationship instead of taking a break:

1. Your values are compromised.

If you take a break with the hope that your partner will change, it isn’t likely that the relationship will work out. Getting back together may feel right for the time being, but unless your partner’s values suddenly change, the happy feeling of reuniting will quickly fade.

2. The timing is off.

Maybe you just got out of a serious relationship, or you started a new job that occupies all your time. There is truth to the expression “wrong time, wrong person.” Life situations could prevent you from being fully present in the relationship. Don’t make the person wait around until you’re ready to commit.

3. You’re young and inexperienced.

Perhaps you met your soulmate in high school. You know you’ll end up together, but you feel the need to experience the world alone before committing to one another. If you’re meant to be together, you will be. If not, you’ll explore your identity and find the right person.

4. You’re not compatible.

You could decide to take a break because you’re not compatible, yet you have lots of fun together. You’re hoping the differences will disappear, and you don’t want to lose the great connection you have. If you lack compatibility, though, the relationship will fall apart eventually, break or no break.

 

 

Some couples break up and get back together numerous times. The length of the break could range from a day to many years. It’s so variable and dependent on the couple’s needs. Using the Friends example again, Ross and Rachel broke up and got back together a few times, and after their ten-year dating saga, finally ended up together.

A break could be just what you need to bring back the passion and excitement in your relationship. There’s no guarantee that you’ll stay together after taking a break, but sometimes time apart is necessary to grow as a person and as a couple.

On the other hand, you may take a break and then come to the realization that you’re not a good match. You might discover that you’re better off without each other, and a complete breakup is exactly what you need.

This Cosmopolitan article discusses the relationship break question. Should you risk it? It’s up to you. I have friends who took a break for a few weeks and then reunited and got married soon after. I also have friends who took a break, which turned into a breakup. Only you can decide whether taking a break from your relationship will help you in the long run.

How can you spice up your sex life? Once you’ve been in a relationship for a while, the passion and excitement may start to fizzle out. The most important thing is to communicate your thoughts and feelings to your partner.

Here are 10 ways to spice up your sex life:

1. Cook a romantic meal together.

Or alternate cooking for one another on different nights.

2. Give each other a sensual massage.

Use oils or lotions, and place candles around the room to add romance.

3. Take a dance class together.

Or turn up the music and dance at home.

4. Work out together.

This increases your testosterone, which will increase your sexual desire.

5. Plan a weekly sex date.

Scheduling sex into your calendar will hold you accountable and give you a night to look forward to.

6. Role play.

Dress up as your favorite characters and act out a scene from a book or movie, or create your own fantasies.

7. Blindfold or tie each other up.

Use ropes, belts, handcuffs, or ties, and make sure you have a safe word.

8. Use sex toys.

There are many variations of vibrators and dildos available, and you can add whips and chains if that interests you.

9. Wear sexy lingerie.

Most of us are visual creatures, and even if it’s removed right away, the image will stay in your mind.

10. Include foreplay.

This is very important for a fulfilling sex life. A quickie now and then is great fun, but jumping right to sex won’t work for everyone. Compare this to running a marathon. You may cramp up or get sore if you don’t stretch before running. Without foreplay, you won’t be as wet or turned on during sex. Foreplay can take place outside of the bedroom, too. You can send each other dirty messages or revealing photos throughout the day to get your partner in the mood. Or, if you know your partner will be home at a certain time, you can give yourself some foreplay to get started. This can include masturbating, thinking about what you want to do to your partner, or reading an erotic story. Only 20% of women can reach orgasm from sex by itself, so make sure you include foreplay into your sex life.

 

There are multiple ways to spice up your sex life, and you can try one or all of the ideas mentioned. Oprah Magazine has some other interesting sex tips for you, and the article mentions hiring a sex coach if you’re still stuck. Lucky for you, I am a certified sex coach and can help you come up with new ways to improve the romance in your life.

Be honest with yourself and your partner, and clearly state your wants and desires. If you and your partner have different sex drives, there are ways around that as well. Before giving up on the relationship, try my 10 ways to spice up your sex life, and hopefully that will increase the passion.

How do you figure out what your relationship status is with a partner?

Are you friends who hang out every so often, but you want the relationship to progress? Or have you been dating for months without discussing if you’re boyfriend/girlfriend yet?

Here are some common relationship statuses:

1. Friends with benefits: You’ve been friends for a while, and now you sometimes hook up when you hang out. You also hang out with clothes on and do “friends” activities if you’re not in the mood.

2. Hookup buddies: You hooked up right after meeting and have great physical chemistry. There’s not much of an emotional connection, but you continue hooking up because the sex is good.

3. It’s complicated: You may have been friends with benefits or hookup buddies, and one of you wants to take it to the next level. You can’t agree on what your status is. Therefore, it’s complicated.

4. Talking: You basically have a penpal. You talk regularly through text and maybe even on the phone, but no one is making the move to ask the other out.

5. Dating: You’ve been out a few times, and you like each other. You may be dating other people as well just to keep your options open. If you’ve had sex, you might assume that he/she is only having sex with you. Because you’re still in the dating phase, though, you’re not breaking any rules by having sex with others.

6. Open relationship: This status tends to exist when you put pressure on him/her to be exclusive. He/she can get around it by asking for an open relationship. Then he/she will say you’re the girlfriend/boyfriend but still be allowed to date and sleep with other people.

7. Exclusively dating: You’re not quite ready to use the boyfriend/girlfriend terms, but it’s pretty much the same thing. You’re only dating each other and sleeping with each other in this phase.

8. Boyfriend/girlfriend: You are officially boyfriend and girlfriend. You’re only seeing each other and sleeping with each other, and you can proudly introduce him/her to all your friends as your boyfriend/girlfriend.

What relationship status do you want?

If you’re not sure if you even want a relationship right now, you can take this quiz to discover whether you’re ready for that step. Elite Singles discusses the different relationship statuses in this article, and it includes many similar terms to what I listed above.

If you know what you want your relationship status to be with a partner, you need to have an open, honest conversation about it. Assuming you’re in the boyfriend/girlfriend phase without discussing it can lead to confusion and breaking up.

In conclusion, decide what relationship status makes the most sense for you. The person you’re dating will either agree or disagree, and then you can proceed however you choose.

How do you deal with different sex drives in your relationship?

When you first start dating someone new, everything is great. You want to spend every second together laughing, talking, eating, and having mind-blowing sex. You probably don’t notice any differences in sexual desire because you’re both so excited that you found an amazing partner to be with 24/7.

As time goes by, your relationship begins to have a routine. Work gets busy. You spend more time with friends and family. You pick up some hobbies that are independent of each other.

This leads to less time you have for each other, and less time means cramming sex into the schedule whenever you do see each other.

If you’re in a relationship, you should be having sex regularly, right?

Twice a day turns into once every few days, and that turns into once a week.

Let’s assume you end up marrying this person because the relationship is great and you have similar goals and values. After the wedding, you’re expecting to have as much sex as you did when you first got together. You have a high sex drive and married the person of your dreams, so obviously your partner wants sex all the time!

Unfortunately, there are numerous reasons this isn’t the case.

You may have different levels of testosterone. Men normally have higher levels of testosterone than women, but women are very sensitive to the hormone if their levels are high.

Besides the amount of testosterone your body produces, there are illnesses and medications that can lower your levels, therefore affecting your sex drive.

You could be born with a high sex drive, and it’s just the way you are. It’s a part of your genetic makeup, so you may crave sex more than others.

If you both know you have similarly high sex drives but your partner suddenly seems less interested in intimacy, there are probably other factors coming into play that you need to explore (like conflict, unresolved anger, infidelity, or emotional concerns).

If you discover that you have different sex drives that aren’t related to medical reasons, what can you do?

Here are three options if you have different sex drives in your relationship:

1. Do nothing.

You already made a vow to stay with this person, and you’re obligated to be with him/her forever. You chose this partner, so you’re stuck dealing with an unsatisfying sex life.

Your partner has so many wonderful qualities that you appreciate. Is great sex really necessary to have a fulfilling life? You’ll make the most of every sexual experience you have. There’s no point in rocking the boat, so why risk ruining the good relationship you’re in?

2. Leave the relationship.

You’ve had enough. You need hot, passionate sex all the time. You’re not getting it from your partner, so the only logical solution is to end the relationship.

You’ve considered having an affair (or perhaps already did), but you don’t want to continue having sex with strangers to fill the sexual void you’re feeling. You don’t want to live the rest of your life in a dry spell, so you decide to get out while you still have your sanity.

3. Come up with a compromise.

This is no easy task, but if you’re both willing to put in the work, you could learn to live with your differences in desire.

If you’re the one with the higher sex drive, you probably feel sexually frustrated. If you have the lower sex drive, you feel pressure from your partner to constantly be intimate.

It takes a lot of open, honest communication to get to the bottom of this issue. Did one of you have a traumatic sexual experience in the past? This can lower your desire, so you may need therapy to unblock your feelings.

If you have little time for sex, MAKE TIME! Sex is an important bonding experience. If you have to, schedule sex dates into your calendar once a week.

Explore your wild side.

Play out your sexual fantasies.

Massage each other.

Find out what really turns on your partner, and do that. Make a list of sexual acts you want to do with your partner, and show each other your lists. You can surprise each other with those sexual acts when the mood strikes. This Bustle article lists 13 ways couples deal with mismatched sex drives.

Keep the discussion going for as long as it takes. If you want to stay together and make each other happy, you’ll figure out a compromise that you’re both satisfied with.

What are the four types of compatibility in a relationship?

There is tons of reading material about what makes a compatible partner, and everyone has a different idea of what compatibility means. Is it better to be with someone exactly like you? Or do opposites attract?

I personally believe that the more similar you are, the better your odds are for sustaining the relationship. That doesn’t mean you need to find someone with an identical personality to yours. However, if you’re completely opposite in every way, the excitement will quickly subside.

The four main types of compatibility are physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual.

Physical:

People prefer different amounts of touching and ways of being touched. It would be ideal if your partner has similar preferences. It’s important to communicate what you like when you’re first physically intimate to keep your partner on track with your needs and desires.

Any intimate act, including sex, hugging, and even holding hands, causes an increased production of oxytocin, often called the “love hormone.” This increase leads to the release of endorphins, which is your natural pain-killing hormone. It helps relieve stress and increase pleasure.

Physical intimacy seems pretty straightforward, but if your body is not functioning properly, it can have an impact on your relationship. Certain illnesses, diseases, medications, hormonal changes, and aging can affect your sexuality. Everyone reacts differently to medication. Prescription pills for depression or high blood pressure, over-the-counter medicine, and birth control pills can all have an influence on you. Keep that in mind when you’re first getting to know someone. Hopefully the physical compatibility is strong, but if not, there are often ways to work through the issues.

Emotional:

This type of compatibility takes time to develop. Once you feel more comfortable opening up with a partner and sharing your hopes and fears, the emotional connection will grow. You don’t have to have the same emotional needs, but you should understand the emotional needs of your partner and respond appropriately.

Engaging in activities together and reminiscing about past events is a good way to bring you emotionally closer. Talking about your feelings can help you release any insecurities you have about the relationship. You may suddenly remember a situation that occurred in your past that affects the way you feel about relationships in the present.

If you have blocked emotions, opening up to the incidents that happened long ago can help you get through them for the future. Your emotions are connected to your heart. If your heart aches for your partner, you probably have excellent emotional compatibility.

Mental:

Your brain is the most important sex organ in your body. The body and mind are completely connected, so having a powerful mental connection can lead to mind-blowing sex. However, if your mind is constantly churning with negative thoughts and ideas, it can ruin your pleasure.

Being able to have a deep, intellectual discussion with your partner can be so satisfying. It can also make your attraction grow tenfold. There are certain people that are not on the same mental wavelength, but this is one element that is somewhat easy to notice early on in the relationship.

If you grow old together, conversation and mental stimulation will be more important than sex. You want someone who challenges your intellect and keeps you thinking. If the conversation flows and you “get” each other, you may be on your way to having an incredible relationship with great mental compatibility.

Spiritual:

Your spirituality not only includes your religion, but it also relates to your energy and soul. It’s the type of compatibility that’s hardest to define, yet it is the piece of the puzzle that’s missing in many relationships. It’s the feeling you have when you’ve found your soulmate.

All people have a certain energy that radiates from them. Noticing how yours interacts with others can help you discover who you are best meant to connect with. If you’re compatible with your partner physically, emotionally, and mentally, but something seems off in the relationship, you may be lacking spiritual compatibility.

Having the same religious background and belief in a Higher Power (whether it’s God or something else) can help bring you together. It’ll make things easier if you want to pass these beliefs on to your children. Even if that’s not a factor, it’s important to feel that your energy is in alignment with your partner’s. If you have the right spiritual compatibility, you two will be unstoppable.

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All of these four types of compatibility are equally important, and they are all connected to one another. A lack of compatibility in one area will create problems that will spill into other areas of the relationship. This article sums up the four types and explains how they’re all needed to have a healthy partnership.

Get to know someone fully before committing to a relationship. Realize that it takes time to develop compatibility. When you have all four aspects of compatibility, hold onto this person forever.

Should you live together before marriage? There are lots of things to consider before moving in with a partner.

You may believe moving in after a few months is best, or you want to be traditional and wait until marriage.

Here are some pros to living together before marriage:

1. You save money.

Instead of having separate apartments with all the bills that come with it (rent, internet, electricity, etc.), you can live in one space with one set of furniture.

2. You get to “test drive” the relationship.

Living together is good practice for when you’re married. If you get along while you’re dating, marriage will be a breeze!

3. You learn to accept each other’s differences.

Your idiosyncrasies will be apparent after spending so much time together, so this is a good way to really get to know your partner.

4. You’ll see your partner daily.

You can do household chores together, have regular intimacy, and not worry about scheduling time for each other.

 

These are all legitimate reasons for wanting to live with a partner, and if you don’t have the desire to get married, this could be the right path for you. After getting to know your partner for about a year, moving in together may be the appropriate next step for your relationship.

However, living with a partner out of convenience or because you’re hoping it’ll lead to marriage is dangerous. If you break up, you have to move all your belongings out and find a new place to live immediately, all while dealing with heartache.

Statistics show that couples who live together are more likely to break up before marriage, and they’re also more likely to get divorced after marriage.

This could have to do with convenience: You live with your partner, and even if you have doubts, you figure that the next logical step is to get married. You brush all your problems aside because it’ll be too much of a hassle to break up and move out. Instead, you agree to spend the rest of your life with this person that you’re not really excited to be with.

If you do want to get married, there are some important things to consider.

Here are some pros to waiting until you’re married before living together:

1. Your marriage will be a brand new phase of your life.

Along with committing to your partner for the rest of your life, you’ll be coming together and creating a new home. Ideally, you’d both move out of your current places and find a new home that you can share together. That way, you won’t feel like you’re making room for someone else’s belongings or adding clutter to someone else’s space.

If you have to move into a new place before the wedding, that’s OK as long as the wedding is already planned and coming up soon. If there’s no set wedding date, you may end up putting it off while facing relationship conflicts. Planning a wedding is stressful, and living together during this time can cause fights that lead to breaking up.

2. You’re more likely to stick around, for better or for worse.

Marriage is a contract that most people take very seriously, whereas living together doesn’t seem as absolute. If you’re living with a partner, you may feel like there’s an easy way out. If you want out of the relationship, you can simply move out. Getting out of a marriage is more complicated, so you’re less likely to leave. Being in a relationship isn’t easy, and you’re bound to have conflicts. If you’re married, you’ll work harder to resolve the conflicts.

Some final thoughts…

I’ve had a variety of roommates and housemates, and I lived with a boyfriend for a while. Living with anyone isn’t easy, no matter how compatible you are. You have different methods of organization, and it’s difficult to share space, especially if you’ve lived by yourself for a long time.

One pro to living together that I’ve often heard is that you get to see what it’s like living with your partner before taking the marriage plunge. I understand that, but you can tell enough about the person by spending lots of time together. I don’t discourage you from sleeping over at each other’s places every so often. In fact, that’s important if you tend to have trouble sleeping. See if you’re compatible sleeping partners, and you’ll discover other habits along the way.

So should you live together before marriage? This article is very well-written and discusses both sides of the argument. If marriage is a relationship requirement for you, then you must be clear with your partner and discuss the reasons you’re moving in together.

Living together while dating or waiting until marriage is completely up to you. There are pros and cons to both, and every relationship is unique. My opinion is to wait, but you can find many other people with different beliefs. Do whatever feels right for you and your current situation.