How many faces do you have? You may know your true self, but you likely show a different side of your personality to everyone you interact with. Your relationship with family is vastly different from your relationship with friends. And when you’re dating someone, you show another side of yourself.

Your Family Face

When interacting with family, you’re able to let your guard down. Your parents and siblings have seen you at your worst and watched you go through puberty, so there’s no need to put on a show and lie about who you are.

Of course, if you want to impress your parents and make them believe you’re “perfect,” when in actuality, they’d be highly disappointed by your current lifestyle, then you’ll show a fake version of yourself.

Either way, your personality around your family is very distinct. These are people who have known you since birth. Your personality was developed while interacting with family, so it’s who you are at your core.

Your Friends Face

With friends, you may put up a front at first to fit in. You want them to like you, so you show a better version of yourself to get these people interested in you. Once a friendship has been developed, you can start to be your true self.

If you have different friend groups, you’ll show a different side of yourself to each group. For example, you may play sports with one set of friends, and your competitive personality shines through with them. If you perform with a theater or music group, your creative side will show with those friends.

Your Work Face

While working, you have to be professional and mature at all times. One slip-up could get you fired if another side of your personality shows up at work.

True story: I was acting in a murder mystery improv show, and I had to interact with guests at a dinner table. We were all telling funny stories, and I felt comfortable enough to make a penis joke. Later on, the audience discovered I was part of the show. Well, a guy at the table was offended by my joke, so he reported me and got me fired.

Even while working in improv, you have to stay professional. No matter who you’re interacting with, you have to remember to show your work face. Unfortunately, it may not be the truest version of yourself, but if you want to keep your job, you have to suck it up!

Your Dating Face

When you go on a first date, you probably hold back a part of yourself. Then, as you grow more comfortable with your partner, you begin to reveal more and more about who you are.

Your flirtatious and sexy face comes out when you like your date. You’d never dare show this side of yourself to family or co-workers. If you have a crush on someone from your friend circle, this side of your personality may appear while on a date or hanging out with friends.

You also show different dating faces, depending on what the other person is like. If you’ve ever dated multiple people at once, you probably noticed that your personality was different with each person.

Your Personal Face

The song “The Stranger” by Billy Joel is about showing your true self when you’re alone. These are the first few lines:

Well, we all have a face that we hide away forever

And we take them out and show ourselves when everyone has gone

Basically, you hide who you are around every single person and only show your true face when you’re by yourself. You show parts of your face around others, but you’re the truest version of yourself when you have no one to impress.

How many faces do you have? Do you show off all of these faces and more on a daily basis?

Dating advice isn’t always black and white. There’s a gray area when it comes to dating. When people are seeking advice about their love lives, those who dole it out may often speak in absolutes. They say that you must listen to them or remain single forever. They basically mean, “It’s my way or the highway.”

Unfortunately, it’s a trap to give and receive advice that’s completely black and white. Even though the “expert” thinks his way is the only way to date, there is always a gray area in love and dating.

Why Dating Advice Isn’t Always Black and White:

1. There are exceptions to every rule.

A friend of mine told me that she always goes on three dates with a guy before deciding if she wants to continue or end it. She tells everyone to do the same, no matter what. Generally, I agree that it’s a great plan to give him a second and even third chance to redeem himself if he didn’t show his best self on the first date.

However, there are many exceptions to this rule. If your date’s behavior was unacceptable or you felt unsafe in his presence, you aren’t obligated to give it another try. Attraction can grow over time, but if you feel physically sick from your date’s appearance, there’s no need to waste another second with him.

2. People do not fit into neat little boxes.

Most books that give dating advice make gross generalizations about men and women. They say that “all men are like this…” and “all women do that…” People are placed into categories, and the advice is usually black and white. After reading a book from a well-known dating expert, you can pick up another book and read completely conflicting advice.

Nobody is 100% accurate all the time when discussing love, dating, and intimacy. Everyone is unique and has their own quirks, so the advice that works for one person may not work for you. Absolutes in a true/false test question are almost always false. Trust your gut and follow the dating advice that you believe in, even if the “experts” tell you it’s wrong.

3. Dating is complicated and messy.

You can ask 10 different people what love feels like, and you’ll get 10 different answers. Just like the idea of love is so variable from one person to the next, dating is also fluid and ever-changing. When a dating coach gives you black and white advice, take it with a grain of salt. She may be basing it on years of experience and knowledge, but it may not be what’s best for you.

I try not to speak in absolutes when giving dating advice. I know that it isn’t always black and white. There’s a gray area when it comes to dating, love, sex, relationships, and life itself. Trust your judgment and own the decisions you make. It’s your life, so get out there and date your way!