How do you set smart dating goals for the new year? You have probably heard of SMART goals in business, but did you know that you can apply that to your love life as well? Goal setting is a skill, and if you make unachievable New Year’s resolutions, there’s a very high chance that you’ll never even try to accomplish them.

If you want to get better at setting and achieving goals in your dating life, you’ll be more successful when you follow this acronym.

Set SMART dating goals. SMART stands for:

• Specific: Achieving goals demands focus and specificity. You can’t make vague generalities and expect your dreams to come true. State exactly what you want to accomplish, and be as specific as possible.

• Measurable: Many people set goals but don’t know whether or not they’ve achieved them. If you say, “I want to be successful,” what constitutes success? Make sure you have measurable goals with a specific framework for achievement.

• Attainable: You need to be able to attain your goals. It’s helpful to write down your action steps so you know what you must do to succeed. It’s good to feel challenged, but you also need to create goals that are possible to attain.

• Realistic: Your objective must be within the realm of your possibility. If you can’t envision yourself doing it, you won’t achieve it. Just because your friend can run a mile in seven minutes, it doesn’t mean it’s realistic for you.

• Timely: Whenever you set a goal, you should have a target date to achieve it. Setting a goal to lose twenty pounds in two weeks can be very discouraging. Also, a deadline too far in the future can make you put it off until a later date, which can easily turn into you never trying to achieve your goal.

Let’s say you desperately want to be in a long-term relationship. You can set smart dating goals for the new year and make your New Year’s resolution come true.

Specific:

If you want to be in a committed relationship, you must specify exactly what that means to you. Who do you want to date? What kind of traits does this potential partner have? Where does he/she live?

Measurable:

How will you know if you are in a long-term relationship? Do you just require a Facebook status of “in a relationship” to satisfy your needs, or do you want to have a deep conversation about your status and mutually agree to date exclusively?

Attainable:

Are you in the right mindset to be in a relationship right now? If you’re still going through a heartbreak from a previous partner, then finding someone new may not be attainable for the time being. Also, make sure you fully know who you are and feel ready to open your heart to someone else.

Realistic:

Is your goal of being in a long-term relationship within reach? If you feel emotionally and mentally ready for love, and you don’t have much baggage from your past, then it may be realistic for you.

Timely:

When do you want to achieve your goal? If you set this goal as a New Year’s resolution, then perhaps a year is a good amount of time to give yourself. Or, if you’re in a rush due to your age or another factor, then you can decide if six months is enough time.

What is the best gift to give your partner? With the year coming to an end, you may be stressing out about what to get your partner for the holidays.

Should you continue getting her diamond earrings, just as you do every year? Should you take him to your favorite resort to go skiing in the mountains?

Learn your partner’s love language.

Before settling on a gift, make sure you know your partner’s love language. If your partner loves physical touch above all else, then perhaps a sensual massage could be all she desires for the holiday season. Or, if your partner’s love language is words of affirmation, you can write a poem or romantic story that displays how much you love him. If quality time is at the top of both of your lists, then be sure to block some uninterrupted time for you to spend together.

Listen carefully.

Figuring out what to buy your partner is no easy task. As the giver, make sure you listen carefully to what your partner says. She will likely drop some hints about what she craves. Or, maybe she’ll be completely upfront by giving you a list of presents she would love to receive this year. If she does that, don’t ignore the list and get what you think she’d want. Trust the list she gives you!

Communicate clearly.

As the receiver, it’s important to clearly communicate what you want from your partner. If your partner always surprises you with the perfect gift, then maybe there’s no need to drop hints. However, if your partner constantly gets you gifts that you don’t really like, then he’ll need direction next time. You can help him out by stating some gift ideas.

Pay attention.

It’s also crucial to pay attention to your partner. If you get her diamond earrings every year, but you only see her wearing pearl earrings, then maybe it’s a sign that she’s not really into diamonds. If you take him to go skiing in the mountains, but you find yourself alone on the slopes, then it might not be his favorite vacation destination. And, as the partner who receives gifts that you don’t enjoy, you should be honest about it.

So what is the best gift to give your partner?

There’s no such thing as the perfect gift. What matters is that you understand your partner’s needs and wants. As long as you learn your partner’s love language, listen carefully, communicate clearly, and pay attention, you’ll be on track to get your partner the best gift she has ever received!

Masculine vs. feminine energy is important to understand in relationships.

You may believe that men should only have masculine energy and women should only have feminine energy. However, these energies aren’t specific to gender. Everyone contains both types of energy, and what matters is that the two people in a relationship lead with opposite energy types.

If you have feminine energy and meet someone who also has the same energy, you’ll feel an instant connection. You may have discovered a new friend who fully understands you. But this will never turn into a passionate romance because you’re both leading with the same type of energy.

In relationships, similarities with core values and life goals are necessary, but you should have opposite energies in order to keep the passion alive.

Masculine Energy Traits

1. Competitive
2. Strong
3. Dominating
4. Decisive
5. Active
6. Logical
7. Rigid
8. Assertive
9. Giving
10. Intellectual

Feminine Energy Traits

1. Collaborative
2. Nurturing
3. Yielding
4. Creative
5. Passive
6. Intuitive
7. Flexible
8. Accommodating
9. Receiving
10. Expressive

I can relate to both lists, and for a while, I thought I led with masculine energy. I was brought up to be a strong woman with an assertive personality, and I thrive on competition, which is typically a male trait. Because of my upbringing, I often got into relationships with men who led with feminine energy so we’d balance each other out. I was able to lead with my masculine energy because I have it within me, just as everyone has aspects of both.

Unfortunately, I began to realize that leading with masculine energy doesn’t come naturally to me. It’s somewhat forced, and I never feel like the best version of myself. My true nature is to lead with feminine energy. I’m definitely able to lead with masculine energy, but it’s not ideal for me.

I know plenty of women who prefer to lead with masculine energy. That’s completely fine, as long as they find partners who prefer to lead with feminine energy. As I mentioned above, the energy you lead with isn’t specific to your gender. It’s a personal preference, and you’ll know what feels right for you.

If you date someone who leads with the same energy type as you, the relationship will likely fail.

The more polarity you have with energy types, the better the chance of success in your relationship. Tony Robbins came up with a quiz to discover if you lead with masculine or feminine energy. You can go HERE to learn your leading energy type.

Timing is everything in relationships.

I was talking to a friend who was extremely frustrated by her last boyfriend. They had been together for a year, and he finally admitted that he wasn’t ready to get married.

She complained to me that she wasted a year of her life with a loser who wasn’t marriage-material. I pointed out that he might be a wonderful husband in the future, but he’s not ready for that phase of his life yet.

It reminded me of a scene in the show Sex and the City.

Here’s the interaction:

Charlotte: We’re the right match. It’s fate.

Miranda: It’s not fate. His light is on, that’s all.

Charlotte: What light?

Miranda: Men are like cabs. When they’re available, their light goes on. They wake up one day, and they decide they’re ready to settle down, have babies, whatever, and they turn their light on. The next woman they pick up, boom. That’s the one they’ll marry. It’s not fate. It’s dumb luck.

Charlotte: Sorry, I refuse to believe that love is at random.

Miranda: Please, it’s all about timing. You gotta get them when their light’s on.

Carrie: Most men I meet are flashing yellows.

Miranda: Or off duty. They can drive around for years picking up women and not be available.

Carrie: Then they really shouldn’t be allowed to get behind the wheel.

Miranda: Most men don’t stay lit long before they take the plunge, versus most women who’ve been lit pretty much since birth.

That scene is so accurate when it comes to timing in relationships. I have been in that situation many times in my life. When I meet the right guy, then I feel that the time to be together is NOW! But unfortunately, the timing is off, and he’s not ready to commit to a lifelong partnership. His cab light isn’t on yet, so I have to let him go and find a guy with his light on.

If it’s the wrong time, it’s the wrong person.

This lack of readiness is very common in today’s world. Men usually like to be successful in work before starting a family, while women feel ready as soon as they meet the right person. It’s a big problem in dating.

In the scene above, Carrie says men shouldn’t be allowed to get behind the wheel if they’re not available. It’s not fair to the women they date to lead them on for years when they aren’t ready for a real commitment. However, the men still want intimacy and dating experience, so they continue testing it out until they suddenly become available. Whatever woman steps into their path next is the one they’ll marry.

Timing really is everything in relationships. If the light goes on, the time is right. If you want success in your relationship, you must figure out if you’re both on the same page and heading in the right direction at the same time.

Are you coupling up for cuffing season this year?

If you’re unfamiliar with the term, cuffing season is a time when single people find partners to couple up with during the colder months of the year. The season usually goes from October to February so singles don’t have to face all the holidays alone.

This year, you might be even more desperate to find a partner for the holidays. The festive feeling is gone in many places around the world. You might see Christmas lights here and there, but the majority of the celebrations are canceled. If you can’t attend any holiday parties due to the pandemic, you may crave intimacy more than in previous years.

So should you be coupling up for cuffing season?

If you have been by yourself all year because of the coronavirus, being in a relationship sounds very tempting. Even if you know it won’t last, it’s still a relief to have a companion to spend these lonely times with.

If your goal is just to have someone by your side to get you through these cold, difficult months, then go for it!

However, you might be searching for a life partner and feel like you have no time to waste. If so, then it’s a mistake to jump into a relationship right now. It takes time to figure out if you’re compatible. Being with the wrong person for the time being will set you back if your goal is to get married or have a fulfilling relationship with your soulmate.

What if you absolutely need companionship?

I totally understand that it sucks to be alone right now. This year has been extremely challenging for multiple reasons.

If you found a partner you trust, and you enjoy each other’s company, then having a companion during cuffing season is acceptable.

You just have to acknowledge the fact that this probably isn’t your forever person. You must tell yourself that this is temporary so you can get through the next few months.

I know people are suffering, so if you need companionship, then do what you need to do for your own sanity and survival. Make sure to discuss it with your partner so you’re on the same page. You don’t want to lead the person on if you know in your heart that it won’t last.

Coupling up for cuffing season has its benefits and drawbacks. I know you’ll make the right choice for yourself. Good luck!