Do you know what your love language is?
Gary Chapman wrote a book called The 5 Love Languages, and his book improved countless relationships. He explains that there are five ways people communicate love, and one of these “languages” will communicate love more effectively than the others.
It is common for you to try to communicate love the way you understand it and prefer to receive it, but your partner may have a different idea of love. You can learn which expressions are most important to your partner, and those are the ones you should focus on.
Here are the Five Love Languages:
Words of Affirmation
Words have the power to build up or undermine your partner. They can be words of appreciation, encouragement, affirmation, and kindness. Saying “I love you,” giving compliments, and having deep discussions are all examples of words of affirmation. If your partner lights up from your powerful words, it may be the most important love language for you to give.
Gifts
These are visual symbols of love. It’s the easiest love language to learn, and giving presents is a way of investing in your relationship. It can be inexpensive but have a high value. Making a gift can be very meaningful to your partner. Don’t wait for special occasions to give them, and discover what your partner likes. Bringing home weekly flowers could be what your partner loves most.
Physical Touch
Touch is a powerful communicator of love, and it speaks louder than words for some. It can take many forms – holding hands, an arm around a shoulder or waist, a kiss, a hug, a brush of the body as you pass, a massage, foreplay, and sex. Physical affection is not always connected to sex, so if this is your partner’s love language, you should learn ways to give non-sexual touch.
Quality Time
Couples can spend much time together without feeling connected, so proper quality time involves focused attention. Togetherness is not only about physical proximity. In fact, you can have quality time with your partner on the phone or Skype if you live in different cities. If quality time is your #1 love language, communication and companionship are necessary for the relationship.
Acts of Service
This involves serving someone by meeting their needs in practical ways. If your partner feels that “actions speak louder than words,” you’d be improving the relationship if you start to do acts of service around the house. It could be as simple as taking out the trash or washing the dishes. It may be requested, but should not be demanded or taken for granted.
These are the five love languages. I encourage you to read his book if you want more information.
If you’re not sure which love language resonates with you, you can take this quiz to guide you in the right direction. Once you figure out which way you prefer to receive love, make sure you tell your partner!