Passion vs. comfort: which is more important in a relationship?

If you ask a new couple this question, they’ll most likely say passion. If you ask the same question to people that have been married for many years, they’ll probably say comfort.

Passion ignites the fire, while comfort keeps the flame burning forever. Is it possible to have both at the same time? Maybe, but that type of connection is very rare.

If you refuse to settle until you find a relationship that has an abundance of both passion and comfort, I say good luck to you. You may be waiting for something that doesn’t exist.

What is passion?

When you first meet someone you really like, you feel tons of excitement and nervous energy. These feelings combine to form passion.

The definition of passion is “strong and barely controllable emotion.” You may feel intense love and desire for your partner during the first few months.

Everything in the relationship is new and unfamiliar, so you get to explore all aspects of this person. You learn about personality traits, hobbies, quirks, life goals, and likes and dislikes.

This beginning phase of a relationship is very exhilarating, and you probably feel an intense amount of passion.

What happens when the passion burns out?

Once you’ve learned everything about your partner, there’s no more excitement and nervous energy combining to form passion.

You can still surprise each other with gifts and spontaneous getaways, and you can try these ideas to spice up your sex life.

However, these are only temporary thrills that mask reality. The reality is that you know each other so well at this point, and there’s no more passion left in the relationship.

What is comfort?

A lack of passion isn’t a bad thing, though! It means that you’ve reached a new stage of your relationship.

The definition of comfort is “a state of being relaxed; satisfaction provided by a person.”

You know all there is to know about your partner, and you feel completely relaxed enough to be your true self. You’ve reached the stage of comfort.

Passion vs. comfort: which is more important?

Are you worried that you’ll get bored in your relationship if there’s only comfort but no passion?

I know that’s a big fear people have, and some even get divorced because they don’t feel that passion anymore.

Well guess what? In 99% of cases, the passion eventually fades away, but it leaves a much stronger feeling in its place: comfort.

This article agrees with my opinion. Passion is great in the beginning of a relationship (the first 1-2 years), but comfort will keep you bonded for life.

Getting to the comfort stage takes time. If you’ve been married long enough, you’ll realize that passion comes and goes, but comfort lasts forever.

Are you posting bad profile pictures on your dating apps?

As someone who has used multiple dating apps and websites, I’ve seen all sorts of ridiculous pictures. Some pictures make me gag, some make me laugh, and some make me stare open-mouthed. The one thing they all have in common is that I NEVER contact these people. It just makes me wonder “What were you thinking? Did someone put this picture on your profile as a cruel joke?”

I’ve only looked at the profiles of men, so my list of bad dating profile pictures will be limited to what I’ve seen from that gender. However, this list applies to women as well.

 

Bad Dating Profile Pictures:

1. Shirtless/practically naked: I get that you’re proud of your body, but put a frickin’ shirt on!

2. Working out: Again, I can tell you want to show off your muscles, but I don’t need to see you doing bicep curls.

3. Holding a fish: I thought this was just a regional thing, but apparently guys all over the world love to show off that they caught a fish. That just doesn’t appeal to me.

4. Holding a baby: Is it your baby? A friend’s? Did you steal it? It’s unclear, and it doesn’t make me believe you love babies.

5. Groups: Which one are you? I don’t want to strain my eyes to figure out which person is the common denominator in five group shots.

6. Blurry: Are you afraid to show yourself? Then I guess I’m afraid to meet you.

7. Animals: Maybe you have a cute dog, but I want to see what you look like, not your pet.

8. Not current: It looks like you wore that outfit in the ’90s. Do you have any current pics to show me? Possibly something from the past year (not decade).

9. Creepy: You look like an ax murderer. Why is there blood on your clothes?

10. Unsmiling: One serious picture is acceptable, I suppose, but I’d rather see you smiling and having fun. Stay away from mugshots, please.

11. No full body: If you have six pictures, but they’re all up close and only show your face, it makes me wonder what’s going on down there.

12. No face: I’ve also seen the opposite, where you only show your body and no face pictures. What are you hiding?

13. Nature: I can find a nature photo on the internet. Why is this picture on your profile if you’re not even in it?

14. Hat and sunglasses: If you have a hat on in every picture, I assume you’re bald. The sunglasses don’t make you any cooler. Don’t be afraid to show off your beautiful, bald head.

15. Multiples: If you take ten pictures of yourself wearing the same outfit from different angles, they’re basically the same picture. Get some variety.

16. Far away: Your photos have a lovely background, but it looks like you’re hundreds of miles away. Sorry, I don’t have X-ray vision.

17. Filters: Are you ten years old? Feel free to send your friend a picture of you looking like a cat, but it’s not appropriate for a dating profile.

18. With a date: You have your arm around a stunning woman, and I don’t think she’s your sister. Is she currently your girlfriend? Should I be jealous?

 

 

There are many other awful types of profile pictures I’ve seen, but these are the first that come to mind. If you have doubts about your pictures, ask a few people for advice. Having a variety of photos that show off who you are is the best plan. And I won’t tell you to swipe left every time you see one of the above types of pictures because there will be no one left to match with!

If you’re unsure if you even want to try online dating, read this article to learn more. And here is a concise list of pictures your dating profile should include, in case you’re confused.

If you’re dating during the pandemic and don’t want to meet in person just yet, what are some virtual date ideas you can try to get to know each other?

Perhaps you live far apart or don’t want to be exposed to other people at this time. Or maybe you have met and already like each other, but you want to mix it up by having some virtual dates during the week and only get together on weekends.

Nobody knows when the pandemic will end, but your dating life can still continue.

 

Here’s a list of six virtual date ideas:

 

1. Have video dates.

I always recommend having a video date before meeting in person, and now it’s especially important. You don’t want to waste your time meeting someone you’re not compatible with, so jump onto a Zoom, Skype, or FaceTime chat to get to know each other that way. It’s almost like sitting across from each other at a coffee shop, but you don’t have to put on pants!

 

2. Cook together.

You can decide on a meal you both enjoy and buy the same ingredients. Set up your computer or phone so you can watch each other and chat while you’re making the same delicious meal. When the food is ready, you can sit down with a glass of wine and eat together while having a flirty discussion.

 

3. Play games.

Friendly competition can boost testosterone levels, so turn on your computer or phone and find a virtual version of your favorite game. Houseparty is a fun app that has a variety of games on it for two players, and CardzMania has a big selection of card games. You can set up whiteboards and play Pictionary while on Zoom or create your own questions for Scattergories. There’s also virtual chess and communal puzzles. If you love Scrabble, you can get the Words With Friends app on your phone and play your move when you have time.

 

4. Watch movies.

Find a movie you both want to watch and press play at the same time. Although you won’t be able to cuddle together, you can pause the movie whenever you want to get more snacks and discuss interesting plot points. You don’t have to worry about getting dirty looks from others at a movie theater. You can sprawl out on your couch and make all the noise you want. When it’s over, you can have a video date and discuss your thoughts about the movie.

 

5. Ask questions.

There are tons of websites with lists of questions to ask a date. These first date questions are backed by science! And the New York Times posted this article in 2015 which specifies 36 questions that lead to love. If you want more flirtatious questions, the internet provides options for that, too. Or you can get your creative juices flowing and come up with your own unique questions to ask your date.

 

6. Work out together.

Look on YouTube and find an exercise routine you’ll both enjoy. Or create your own list of bodyweight exercises and do them together while listening to upbeat music. You can plan a date that lasts for hours, starting with a workout, and then cooking together, and finally eating while watching a romantic movie.

Should you have kids? Maybe you wrestled with this question for years, or perhaps you’ve been sure since a young age.

Having kids or not is a very personal decision that you need to make on your own.

You may have always longed for a baby. You assumed you’d get married and have kids at a reasonable age, and everything would go smoothly.

Perhaps you are married or in a committed relationship now, but you’re starting to have doubts about kids. Or your partner isn’t sure anymore.

Maybe you’ve been trying unsuccessfully for months or years, and you’re thinking of giving up.

Or you’re single and don’t know if you want to raise a child on your own.

Maybe you already have a child or step-child, and you’re not sure if you want to have more.

There are numerous reasons you’re asking yourself this question, so how do you decide?

 

If you’ve been on the fence about whether you should have kids or not, try this visualization exercise:

 

Sit in a quiet place and close your eyes. Picture your life five years from now. Imagine all the details of your perfect life.

Where do you live? Who do you live with? What do you do every day?

Let your mind wander freely, and only open your eyes once you’re satisfied with your future.

Now answer this: Is there a baby in your future?

 

There is no right or wrong answer. And there’s no “perfect” time to have a child. If your doctor confirms that your body is healthy, it’s impossible to know if you’ll get pregnant immediately or if you’ll have trouble conceiving.

Instead of worrying about the timing, it’s important for you to consider all the aspects of raising a child. The scary thing about having a baby is that you never know what you’re going to get. You’ll hopefully have a healthy, beautiful baby that’s very easy to take care of.

You need to consider all possibilities, though, and discuss how you’ll handle any problems that may arise.

If you’re single and considering having a baby, make sure you have support from friends and family. Taking care of a child is the biggest responsibility you’ll ever have. It’s completely up to you how to raise this person. This child will bring so much love into your life, but having a child could also cause you a lifetime of grief.

 

Baby fever is real!

 

If you have “baby fever” and want to get pregnant as soon as possible, make sure you’re clear with your partner about your desire.

There’s no harm in saying you want kids in the beginning phase of dating. If it scares the person away, you’re not a good match. It’s better that you find out sooner rather than later.

If you strongly believe that kids are not in your future, then that’s also important to bring up early on in dating.

I know some people who hoped their partners would change their minds, but that didn’t happen. Instead, they stayed together a few years and had a nasty breakup when they discovered they still weren’t on the same page about having kids.

Being unsure about having kids is a tough spot to be in. Are you hoping your partner will decide for you? This indecisiveness can happen to both men and women.

If it doesn’t feel like it’s right for you, then don’t have kids right now. You can change your mind. And if pregnancy isn’t in your future, you can adopt or get a foster child.

If you accidentally get pregnant, there are also options for you. There is a lot to consider when it comes to having children, so use your best judgment and hope for the best!

Many articles are written about this topic, so feel free to do your own research if you’re undecided about your future. The Atlantic has a well-written article, and here’s a list of 100 reasons not to have kids (written by a woman who has one). Finally, here are nine reasons to have them.

The decision to have kids or not is completely up to you. Don’t give in to pressure from family or friends. You are the one who will be raising the child or choosing to live a child-free life.