Should you take a break from your relationship?

There’s no cut and dry answer to this question. There are many different circumstances that can lead to a relationship break, and it really depends on the couple’s situation.

If you do decide to take a break from your relationship, here are some rules to follow:

1. State clear rules and boundaries.

Just like in the famous Friends episode, Ross thought it was acceptable to sleep with someone else when Rachel asked for a break. Even if you mutually decide to take a break in the heat of the moment, make sure you communicate what that means to you. Is dating other people allowed during this time apart? Will you talk at all or have no communication?

2. Decide on a timeframe.

Asking for a few days or a week to be alone and think about your relationship can be beneficial. However, if you don’t specify how long you want the break to last, you’ll both be confused and unsure of when to end your time apart. If you don’t know how long you need, it wouldn’t be fair to keep your partner waiting for months until you make a decision.

3. Discuss why you’re taking a break.

It might be obvious to the person suggesting it, but make sure your partner knows why you need a break from the relationship. Whoever wants to take a break should also be the person to reach out first and end the silence.

4. Know what you want to accomplish.

You may need some distance from your partner, but what do you hope to gain from this break? You should talk about what you need to work on while you’re apart.

 

When you should end the relationship instead of taking a break:

1. Your values are compromised.

If you take a break with the hope that your partner will change, it isn’t likely that the relationship will work out. Getting back together may feel right for the time being, but unless your partner’s values suddenly change, the happy feeling of reuniting will quickly fade.

2. The timing is off.

Maybe you just got out of a serious relationship, or you started a new job that occupies all your time. There is truth to the expression “wrong time, wrong person.” Life situations could prevent you from being fully present in the relationship. Don’t make the person wait around until you’re ready to commit.

3. You’re young and inexperienced.

Perhaps you met your soulmate in high school. You know you’ll end up together, but you feel the need to experience the world alone before committing to one another. If you’re meant to be together, you will be. If not, you’ll explore your identity and find the right person.

4. You’re not compatible.

You could decide to take a break because you’re not compatible, yet you have lots of fun together. You’re hoping the differences will disappear, and you don’t want to lose the great connection you have. If you lack compatibility, though, the relationship will fall apart eventually, break or no break.

 

 

Some couples break up and get back together numerous times. The length of the break could range from a day to many years. It’s so variable and dependent on the couple’s needs. Using the Friends example again, Ross and Rachel broke up and got back together a few times, and after their ten-year dating saga, finally ended up together.

A break could be just what you need to bring back the passion and excitement in your relationship. There’s no guarantee that you’ll stay together after taking a break, but sometimes time apart is necessary to grow as a person and as a couple.

On the other hand, you may take a break and then come to the realization that you’re not a good match. You might discover that you’re better off without each other, and a complete breakup is exactly what you need.

This Cosmopolitan article discusses the relationship break question. Should you risk it? It’s up to you. I have friends who took a break for a few weeks and then reunited and got married soon after. I also have friends who took a break, which turned into a breakup. Only you can decide whether taking a break from your relationship will help you in the long run.