Should you settle in a relationship?
This has been a question I’ve asked myself on many occasions. There’s obviously no such thing as perfection when it comes to a life partner, but is settling the best option? I’ve read lots of conflicting books and articles on this very topic, and I still don’t know what the right answer is. I think it depends on your specific life goals.
The internet has plenty of articles that are in favor of settling in a relationship.
An article came out in 2008 entitled “Marry Him! The case for settling for Mr. Good Enough.” Immediately after reading it, I decided to visit my ex-boyfriend and make a relationship work with him. I was so confident that we’d be married within months, but the chemistry just wasn’t there anymore. The author of that article, Lori Gottlieb, wrote a book about the same topic. I fully agreed with her point of view, but I still wasn’t convinced that I should settle.
This article also discusses the benefits of settling. And the author of this Refinery 29 article says settling was the best decision she ever made!
There are hundreds of articles all over the internet that tell you NOT to settle in a relationship.
Why should you settle when your soulmate could be around the corner? You may be giving up the opportunity to meet someone who is a better match for you. This Sexy Confidence article tells you why settling is a bad idea. Psychology Today agrees with some of Gottlieb’s points, but the bottom line of this article is that you shouldn’t settle.
To settle or not to settle? That is the question.
If your #1 goal in life is to raise kids in a safe, quiet neighborhood, you may be willing to forgive some partner flaws. So what if he’s not 5’10” with blue eyes? Who cares if she doesn’t have blonde hair and an hourglass figure? As long as you found a partner that you get along with, you’re on the right track. Having similar life dreams and values is an added bonus!
I wholeheartedly believe that you should NOT settle on your values.
If you value honesty and are dating a pathological liar, that is a recipe for disaster. Settling on physical traits or minor issues is fine, but don’t settle on big life issues. If you can’t agree now on whether you should have kids, don’t get married and assume it’ll work itself out later on. It won’t! You should be comfortable and confident in your decision to be with this person or not.
To sum up, there are strong arguments on both sides of this debate. You shouldn’t feel guilty for settling for a guy who’s just average while your best friend is holding out for her soulmate. She may never meet her soulmate and be alone forever. On the other hand, if you believe that you will find your perfect partner, then don’t waste your time by settling for a guy who’s “good enough.”
There’s no right answer to this question. Settle, or don’t settle. Just be proud of your decision, no matter what you choose.