Passion vs. comfort: which is more important in a relationship?
If you ask a new couple this question, they’ll most likely say passion. If you ask the same question to people that have been married for many years, they’ll probably say comfort.
Passion ignites the fire, while comfort keeps the flame burning forever. Is it possible to have both at the same time? Maybe, but that type of connection is very rare.
If you refuse to settle until you find a relationship that has an abundance of both passion and comfort, I say good luck to you. You may be waiting for something that doesn’t exist.
What is passion?
When you first meet someone you really like, you feel tons of excitement and nervous energy. These feelings combine to form passion.
The definition of passion is “strong and barely controllable emotion.” You may feel intense love and desire for your partner during the first few months.
Everything in the relationship is new and unfamiliar, so you get to explore all aspects of this person. You learn about personality traits, hobbies, quirks, life goals, and likes and dislikes.
This beginning phase of a relationship is very exhilarating, and you probably feel an intense amount of passion.
What happens when the passion burns out?
Once you’ve learned everything about your partner, there’s no more excitement and nervous energy combining to form passion.
You can still surprise each other with gifts and spontaneous getaways, and you can try these ideas to spice up your sex life.
However, these are only temporary thrills that mask reality. The reality is that you know each other so well at this point, and there’s no more passion left in the relationship.
What is comfort?
A lack of passion isn’t a bad thing, though! It means that you’ve reached a new stage of your relationship.
The definition of comfort is “a state of being relaxed; satisfaction provided by a person.”
You know all there is to know about your partner, and you feel completely relaxed enough to be your true self. You’ve reached the stage of comfort.
Passion vs. comfort: which is more important?
Are you worried that you’ll get bored in your relationship if there’s only comfort but no passion?
I know that’s a big fear people have, and some even get divorced because they don’t feel that passion anymore.
Well guess what? In 99% of cases, the passion eventually fades away, but it leaves a much stronger feeling in its place: comfort.
This article agrees with my opinion. Passion is great in the beginning of a relationship (the first 1-2 years), but comfort will keep you bonded for life.
Getting to the comfort stage takes time. If you’ve been married long enough, you’ll realize that passion comes and goes, but comfort lasts forever.
I can relate to this as a single mom in the dating world! We all look for passion, but when you get to be truly comfortable with yourself as you get older, you look for comfort. I think this is so important. Great insight!
I’m so glad you agree!
This is so insightful. As a young adult, it’s so easy to get lost in the passion stage of things. It’s good to know that there’s more after that. Thank you for sharing.
I absolutely do not agree. Comfort is what a person brings to us. And the passionate love that turns into deep love is not loving for what we get or what we are given, but loving for what the other is as a whole. If people only married a partner who loves them for who they are, and did not choose their spouse as one would choose a car (with a list of negatives and positives), nor in the phase of one of honey, there would be much less divorce. A comfortable relationship is anything but love. It is attachment. Many compare the passionate relationship to what everyone feels during a first romantic encounter. I can tell you that it is totally different. You have to live it to understand true passion with deep love. And no, it’s not going away. I only agree on one point: it is rare to find. This is why few people can claim to talk about it knowingly.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this topic. Not everyone will agree with me. It’s amazing that you found your true soulmate, so enjoy the deep love that is so difficult to find in life.
I do think attachment is at the core of long term love, and the obsessive I’ll-die-if-we’re-apart feelings are exclusive to new love
But I definitely disagree with the idea that there’s nothing new to know about your partner. We’re constantly changing.
So, couples who listen and have vulnerable conversations can reignite the spark any time they want. Sexy getaways are great, too 🙂