What are the 5 main fears you have in a relationship?
I took a seminar years ago about the five fears people have in life. If you search on the internet, you’ll find a variety of fears named, including this list in Psychology Today.
Because fear comes in many forms, there’s no absolute list of what people fear the most. Thinking back on the seminar I took, I realized that the top fears that were discussed are completely applicable to relationships.
Love is a major part of life, and you may take huge risks in love, hoping for a positive outcome of living happily ever after. You could also be terrified to take a risk because of past experiences or some sort of fear that’s holding you back.
Here are the 5 fears you have in a relationship:
1. Rejection
In all stages of dating and relationships, there’s a possibility of being rejected. You might be rejected just for going up to someone and saying hi. Or you’ve been talking for a few minutes, and you’re rejected after asking the person out. Or you go on a few dates, and then the person rejects you. Even more traumatic is if you date for months or years or build a life together as a married couple, and then you face sudden rejection.
Whenever you take a risk in love, you must realize that there’s a chance you’ll be rejected. It’s normal to fear rejection, but you’ll never have success if you don’t try. What’s the worst that could happen? Life is messy. You’ll be rejected from all sorts of things in life, including dates, jobs, friendships, tryouts, and more. Once you get over your fear of rejection, you’ll take more risks and have more success.
2. Failure
You may have put a ton of effort into your relationship. If you devoted all your time and energy into this person, you’ll feel like a total failure when the relationship fails. You have a fear of the relationship falling apart and ending, so you do whatever it takes to fix the broken parts. Unfortunately, some relationships are doomed, no matter what.
If you fear failure, you may continue spending time with someone that’s wrong for you. Everyone excels in certain areas and fails in others, so you’re not unique to fail in your relationship. Once you accept that failing in this relationship will help you succeed in a future one, you’ll be a lot closer to finding a compatible partner.
3. Being Out of Control
The only thing you can control is yourself. It’s scary to feel like the world is crumbling around you, and there’s nothing you can do to stop it. When you’re in a relationship, you can’t control the other person’s thoughts or actions. If you have a fear of letting go and being out of control, you may never have a fulfilling relationship.
In order to feel love, you must be comfortable being out of control. Think about the phrase “falling in love.” Just like the physical act of falling, it can be scary, sudden, and uncontrollable. You’re in a vulnerable state as you fall. Instead of fearing this feeling, it’s healthier to embrace it and allow yourself to enjoy having no control over your feelings of love.
4. The Unknown
Life is a mystery. Love is a mystery. Who knows what the future will bring. It’s pointless to fear what you don’t know. If you spend your life being afraid of what’s to come, you’ll never experience what is right in front of you. Worrying and wondering about your unknown future will keep you stuck in a meaningless life.
If you want to have an amazing relationship, you have to let go of your fear of the unknown. You may die tomorrow or live until you’re 120. It’s impossible to know, so all you can do is be happy in the present. Don’t put off taking risks in love because of your fear of the unknown. If you wait until your fear subsides, it may be too late to be with your true love.
5. Physical Pain
This fear may seem unrelated to relationships, but it’s actually a very real fear that people have when it comes to love. When a relationship ends, you feel the pain in your whole body. Your heart aches, you may have nausea and abdominal pain, and your body feels heavy and weak.
If you have a fear of physical pain, you may be scared to get involved in a committed relationship because you’re dreading that awful feeling you have when you break up. Life has ups and downs. In order to experience the bliss of an incredible, passionate romance, you will also likely experience a disastrous breakup that leaves your body aching for weeks. If you want love in your life, you have to push past your fear of pain and hope for the best.
You may have all 5 of these fears in a relationship. Or perhaps you have learned to ignore your fears because your desire for a relationship overpowers your fears. If you know you are ready for a relationship and you won’t let anything get in the way of your dreams, then it’s time to conquer your fears.
Thank you for this post. I spent many years of my life damaging relationships with men because of my fears. I had many opportunities to have successful relationships, but my fears caused me to act out and destroy them. I’ve worked hard over the years to figure out where this fear comes from. I really connected to what you wrote about. Thank you !
Yeah, it’s common to have fears and act out instead of facing them. I’m happy to hear that you have figured it out and connected with my blog! Thanks for reading.