Can you truly be just friends with an ex?

I wish I could say yes, but…

Nothing good can come from a friendship with an ex.

It’s really a shame because you got to know this person so well.

You probably revealed deep, dark secrets and felt completely safe and comfortable around this person.

You spent so much time and effort giving yourself to another person, and when it ends, what happens? All that closeness and love and comfort disappears.

Unfortunately, when you break up, it’s usually because one person wants it to end more than the other.

You may argue that it was mutual and you feel like this person is your best friend – best platonic friend – but I still think it’s a mistake to stay friends.

The most obvious reason you shouldn’t remain friends is because…

You could fall back into your old routine.

It’s fun, it’s easy, and it’s comfortable.

Maybe you’re not having sex, but you enjoy your ex’s company.

Why shouldn’t you keep hanging out? I’ll tell you why.

You’re wasting your time.

If you already tried and failed at having a romantic relationship, there’s a very little chance of it working out in the future.

Instead, you could put yourself out there and expose yourself to new people that are a better match for you.

Also, you’re fooling yourself if you think you’re genuine friends with an ex. You may feel like your reasons are innocent and pure, but who knows what your ex wants out of this?

If you’re the one who ended the relationship, he/she may be trying to win you back. Or you may subconsciously be trying to win your ex back.

Just like the question “Can men and women be just friends?” I believe the answer is no.

As long as you’re both heterosexual, there is some underlying sexual tension between you. Maybe not now, but at some point in the friendship, at least one of you had or will have attraction for the other.

That attraction gets in the way of a real friendship.

And let’s compare that to a friendship with an ex. You’ve been intimate with this person, so there must’ve been some attraction at some point in the relationship. That will prevent any platonic friendship from developing.

This Time article explains how risky it is to remain friends with an ex. The writer does think you should stay friends if you have kids together, but otherwise, it can get complicated.